It’s been a long time since I was here (again) but I’m back here to rant…
Today was my first Math Test. Total 30 marks, and first question 14marks. And it was a blank. But yet, the things they taught us could be applied easily.
So the maximum mark I can get now is 16/30, not forgetting that I will still make careless mistakes (or proof wrongly). So in other words I can fail this test alr. Assignments not even graded now, I can just fail all my test and exam and get F9 for Math now. Fun lah.
I not sure to blame it on my complacency, my smooth journey in Math or just the teacher. Seriously the teacher’s teaching is horrible. I mean, I used to listen to Mr Loke so much, follow all the things he told us to do, did a lot of practice and understood things very easily. Understood all his explanations and I didn’t even revise for Math sometimes when I got too busy. During competition periods or times when I slacked too much in school.
And I would just ace the test the next day. And when I mean Ace, I don’t mean getting 20/25. I mean getting full marks and the bonus question correct. It’s not that I’m showing off. But I had no problem with Math at all.
Perhaps having gotten… at the lowest of 32/40 had made me complacent? I used to be angry at myself getting 24/25. Or perhaps not being able to solve the bonus question such that Waiyuin had an overall total score higher than me even though both of us scored 40/40.
I look at my personal particulars. PSLE everything A. No HMT. Only one A*. That’s Math. It was my strength. My only strength I could rely on. My paper used to be at the last with Waiyuin when Mr Loke gave out papers according to results. I guess topping the class so much has made me complacent?
Maybe I should blame myself for not listening to that teacher? Even though she’s extremely long-winded she does give hints. Or maybe blame myself for not revising much even though I went through the worksheet questions.
Or perhaps it’s just a signal to me to tell me that I shouldn’t be so complacent? I don’t know. I’m feeling so disappointed in myself I don’t even have the mood to do anything else. I can get 35/70 for Chinese and pass it off as “nevermind lah, always one”. Or get 5/12 for History and pass it off as “nvm, this is first term.” Or get 12/25 for EL Compre and say “nvm lah EL everyone also fail”.
But not Math. I don’t even have the mood to study Geog now, no mood to watch TV. No mood during CCA today, my standard was so shitty I feel like slapping myself now. But despite that, I’m still extremely upset.
I have never scored less than an A1, I am upset with myself everytime I don’t manage to score a perfect mark.
But now, I can’t even secure a pass.
But I guess there are two sides to a coin.
Many people feeling the same way as me. But I’m still extremely upset. For the previous times, everyone would be posting those statuses up. And I’ll be one of the idiots who do extremely well despite myself complaining about careless mistakes.
But not anymore, isn’t it? It’s a failure of my self-expectation, a disappointment I have. And it’s something I can’t get off from my heart. Because afterall, it was my best subject.