Monthly Archives: March 2011

6th

I don’t know how to feel. Judging by the points for districts, our position should be fixed at around 4th. This morning, we were praying it wouldn’t be so.

And it really wasn’t. In a negative way.

I’m crying so hard as I type this because it’s just so hard to be strong. As I look through my Facebook page, I can see all the good luck messages. Everyone had been pinning high hopes on us, we had so many supporters. Teacher officers, seniors, everyone came back to support us. SM commented that he wanted to see the fierce competition this year, all our seniors were telling us about how much we can show.

I wouldn’t say that our efforts are completely wasted. Gosh, I have so many things to say that I don’t know where to start from. I wouldn’t blame myself because I knew I’d done my part. Every night for me was just spent thinking about what would happen, thinking about how I can improve, and I had been trying my best to get the routine to perfection. I felt really stressed whenever I thought about the finals because I was so afraid things would turn out to be different. I was so afraid schools would improve so much more and push us all the way down. Guess what happened?

This performance did not pull off as well as I expected it to be. There were so many screw-ups, I could hear them, I could see them. But I kept up my confidence level throughout. I didn’t make any major mistakes (what I think) so I felt fine. But after the performance, I thought about everyone’s standard today and my heart really felt like it was set on fire. We practised so much, I repeated some parts for like a hundred times. But the standard showed today did not reflect the practices we had at all. Perhaps it’s quality of practice and not quantity. But I promised not to cry, I held it back all the way.

I knew we did very badly. My face totally changed, it was the first time it was so hard to put up a smile. I knew we wouldn’t be able to keep up the standards they set last year. But I had not expected ourselves to really do so horribly.

6th sounds so amazing sometimes. It’s such an irony, isn’t it? We got 1st for West districts, and yet we got 6th in nationals. The 2 schools that we won in the districts overtook us this time.

I wouldn’t say we turned complacent after being champion for districts. We did our best to improve already. I was really worn out. I tried my best, in fact I slept in lessons every single day because I wasn’t energetic enough for lessons. I often had to burn midnight oil just to finish uncompleted homework because of reaching home late. Every day seemed like a torture, but I held on. Because I knew this could be the only chance we could prove ourselves to be better than the rest.

But it didn’t happen.

I’m not blaming myself for not having put in effort at all. In fact, the whole time I was just angry at how we had set such low standards again. Like what Jiawei said, orienteering, shooting, west challenge (for me), fsd, we pulled them all down. I memorised stuff like ‘freestyle drill promotes creativity and teamwork .. …. resilience’ whatever among cadets. Teamwork. One person screw up and the whole team is gone. But we cannot leave out any one in the team.

Every single member is extremely important. It’s not just determining whether the routine looks nice or not, but it plays an important part in pulling the team together. If we’re not bonded, it would be difficult to do things. If one team member is not committed enough, the whole team would not be a whole.

I have failed thrice, and this is the fourth time. I’m not sure if all these experiences are enough to show my incompetency. Or maybe my luck is just on the wrong side. And yes, you were right.

My mother called me after the competition, and I told her we got 6th. Her reaction was like “Aiyo, why so lan!?” By then, I tried to remain strong and pretended that it was a really good position already. But really, what she thinks is what I think. But I can’t show it in front of many people.

This is just a splatter of personal feelings and I’ll add more when I feel like it. But I definitely feel much better after crying straight for a few hours. Why must it always be due to NCC?

NCC life

I feel kinda sad that it’s the last March Camp alr but I guess it’s not v appropriate to elaborate here!

17 more hours. We either make it or break it ):

BTW I just came back from my swimming test. OFFICIALLY A BRONZE CERTIFIED SWIMMER 😀 whatever, I know I was the oldest kid in the test but so what?! =P

March Camp 2011

IS OVER!

I won’t post much because it’s quite sensitive, but I must say. From all the camps, this was the one that we pumped the most. Yeah.. especially for today.

BECAUSE I SUAY/LUCKY kena camp i/c!! HAHAHA. I don’t know to laugh or cry.

The night before, I was already “Omg later I tomorrow kena camp i/c how?? I think they will choose me leh, coz I whole camp never initiative at all..” (I know fail English but when you are damn scared you won’t care)

Then my platoonmates were trying to convince me “No lah, is always a guy one.”

But then I prepared my paper already. Charlie 1 strength, Alpha 2 strength all that. hehehe.

“CAMP I/C, LANCE CORPORAL NG HUI PING”
(!!!!)

I was so shocked that I couldn’t reply immediately. And then my heart just started beating extremely fast. LOL. I was suddenly so scared when everything haven’t start yet. Then I panic like hell, go around collate info and everything. Thankfully I had done some preparation the night before. It helped to the max la.

Then it started and I took around 1 hour omg -.- just for a PARADE (!!!) Just saying company watch your front, company sedia, report strength, ONE HOUR~~ GOSH.

And then it was the morning. Adding my great handwriting… omg I couldn’t read who wasn’t around. geegee.

Nevermind it’s over now. And I must say I wasn’t screwed as much as I expected. I guess this will be one of the highlights of the entire march camp! HAHAHA!

And Candlelit Night performance was a total ): Too busy with our own schedules le, I guess. Will upload the picture of my pathetic paper hahaha. It’s a great memory really! 😛 And I guess I’m gonna sleep now because I’m so tired 😦 Hopefully there’s dinner w my platoonmates later~ CYA!

Vast Ocean of Material Prosperity

(the title has no link to my post below, I just thought that line from Martin Luther King Jr’s speech is super cool :P)

I know I always say that it’s been a long time since I’ve updated, but that’s really true because I really do not have much time on my hands at the moment 😦

My life is flooded with tests and CCA. Haha, but that probably gives me an all-rounded life. At least I’ve the best of both worlds- I can do equally well in both. But that’s just my hope. I hope everything will turn out smoothly, especially my GPA now that all my grades are falling 😦 It’s either I maintain my Y1 GPA of 3.7, Y2 GPA of 3.6, OR do better! But that seems like a fantasy now that I’m in Y3 😦

Anyway,

Happy Birthday to my sister!

Photobucket
Photobucket

You have been very irritating the past year, and I glad you finally realised how stupid you are today. Unfortunately, I guess it may drag on to all the subsequent ones, but nevertheless I hope you really open your eyes wide to look at people!

Had Macs and the new burger yesterday. The long long name one hahaha. Damn epic we were repeating and it was so annoying :O And after many long years of teasing that we’re gonna get ‘pandan cake’ for someone’s birthday, my sister was the first HAHAHA~

Ate a LARGE supper and then went to sleep immediately. Wow.

To summarise the past few weeks, I’ve been taking a short rest, been trying to sleep more at home so as to survive school lessons. And bravo, I’ve not slept in ANY lessons this week (except for Oracy and CHAMPs, I’m so sorry but I have to ‘build up energy’ for the next few lessons)

But of course, life is losing its meaning because it’s so mundane and everything. I guess once in a while it does become more meaningful. Honestly, I don’t favour returning home at 7 or 8pm when the sky is all dark. For the whole term, I only managed to return home at 4pm once. But I guess this is an experience that would mark one of the biggest milestones of my cadet life.

I’ll be free soon, and I swear to emerge even stronger than before.

Today my Chinese teacher was talking about how blogs are losing their popularity.

I once thought that I would probably blog forever, and as I continue writing for 20 years, I would be able to see the change in me, my mindset and everything.

However now, unlike in the past, I no longer spare time to blog. Instead, I go on Facebook/Twitter instead. The convenience has already left the blogosphere empty. Blog viewers are falling for EVERYONE and I hardly stalk blogs now for the fact that they are hardly updated.

But that may be a good thing. Perhaps one day no one will be able to track my blog down, and I’ll be able to write whatever I want. Ah, I have so much to complain… 😀

Oh well, I’m getting cold and weak, and my body becomes heated up as it approaches midnight. It’s time for me to revise Math 🙂 No more 16/30, I swear. If I want to do well for my Y3 life, I can’t slack like what I’m doing now. 😦