Indebted

Arghh how unlucky can I get- it’s freaking 12.40am and I’m lying awake on bed with a horrible tummy ache…. Heck I ate dinner at least 6 hours ago what’s with this tummy rebellion?!

Ok anyway, I was stalking some blogs earlier and I realised that… although I lead a pretty sheltered life, in the sense that I never ever have to worry about paying school fees / educational materials, my parents have given me a lot of space to sort of… find myself through life.

I never really attended enrichment lessons in the earlier years of my childhood, when I was too young to make my own decisions. My mother probably got pissed off with me the day I refused to go to my dance class (hehehe yes I could have been a dancer…) and sat at my house gate crying like a cow. Guess what, I didn’t want to turn up because my teacher told me during the previous lesson that my sunflower pants aren’t allowed (wow I still remember the combination of clothes I was wearing), and I had to wear some spendex pants to dance! I got upset cause I felt I was getting singled out… I was such a young and ignorant kid!

So I cried at the gate and refused to leave the house for my class. And then I was pulled out from the dance class LOL HAHAHA THAT WAS EASY. From then my mother probably didn’t want to take anymore risks, so she didn’t bother sending me to any other enrichment classes. Oh and she brought home a Timeout chocolate that very night to appease my crying soul, guess I was really upset HAHAHA goodness.

Unfortunately, because of that I really lacked what other people of my generation had in their childhood: tons of enrichment classes to maximise their potential and holistically develop them. It can be viewed in a positive way of course- that I was truly able to enjoy my childhood. But as I grew up I started to question the existence of my talents- I am not musically-inclined, I don’t excel in team sports, and the only thing I can probably do is study and get horrible grades. And so I started my “enrichment classes journey”.

Actually I had private tuition because I got 27/50 for English in Primary 1 and once again my mother got pissed. Other than that I never ever ever had any other classes, until I requested to take up swimming in Year 1 cause I wanted to go kayaking with NCC in Year 2. I wasn’t even sent to swimming, which was almost a pre-requisite for any child. I remember sheepishly raising my hands whenever my teachers asked “Who doesn’t know how to swim?” Oh wow… what a glorious past.

Of course, not forgetting the sudden predisposition towards music- hence taking up piano lessons in JC1. I have to say that has been one of my best decisions ever. Nothing can make you as intrinsically satisfied, by listening to a piece of music played by yourself. Of course, I’m not even at Grade… 1? Ok what did I just say I am truly an embarrassment to everyone my age LOL. But age really matters- people were encouraging me to take it up only after As but that’s way too late. People are taking Grade 1 exams at age 4 and I am what…. 17? At that point in time when I was contemplating, I had already been 14 years late, and I didn’t want to miss out on another year. And so I walked to the piano school in my neighbourhood and registered for lessons.

In a sense, I like how I am able to make most of life’s decisions on my own, such as my CCAs and subject combination, without being subjected to the ideals and desires of my parents’. I have tons of friends who took up their classes / subjects / whatever because of their parents’ opinions “This is all good for you” and I am extremely thankful I am not subjected to that. Even if it’s purely out of goodwill, I doubt I’d be able to truly understand myself if I merely follow through the trail my parents have set out for me.

But yet, there’s a slight tinge of regret in me for crying at the gate that day. If only I wasn’t such a brat… Who knows where I’d be, or what I’d be. I probably wouldn’t even be in NCC.

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