Almost died yesterday night because I was so freaking demoralized flipping through the syllabus document, realizing that I don’t know how the hell I can describe ‘Westerlies’ and how much I will pee in my pants if a descriptive question on that is thrown tomorrow.
I haven’t been so stressed about this subject in such a long while because with effort it never came across as much of a worry to me. But now it’s totally different: I absolutely do not think that my effort is insufficient for the past few tests, even if I may not be the best I shouldn’t freaking do so badly right??? I’m so freaking desperate just SO FREAKING DESPERATE to prove to myself that I can do it for once instead of being subjected to my horrible percentile of 13, which effectively means bottom 5 of the class.
It’s inaccurate to let your grades define who you are as a person and how intelligent you are but nope who the hell likes a percentile of 13? Even if you know yourself to be better than that it will obviously suck if you take pride in your work.
I hate how I start casting doubts on whether my subject combination is the most appropriate for me and how I could possibly be better off taking on a subject that doesn’t require every weekend of mine writing essays after essays. Yesterday night I was so overwhelmed with the temptation to drop it to a H1, not that it’ll be easier but the content will be shaved off by half!!!! THAT’S frankly, a hell lot given that I’m already stressing out so much over what…? Two chapters?
Ok no use ranting these few minutes could be obviously put to better use. Perhaps it might change well it might IT MIGHT I MUST be positive NG YOU CAN DO THIS. Can’t wait for this week to be over.