“Fall down seven times, stand up eight”

I’m truly scared. Something is terribly wrong if I’m not; I’m struggling to stay adrift, struggling so hard. “She’s more hardworking than smart” “effort eventually pays off more than talent”, these little messages can keep me going but not forever.

Frankly, where do people truly find the time to put in the effort for everything? My Humanities subjects combined (already) take up so much of my time, leaving little for the rest. It’s unsurprising if I do badly for the others that I considerably “neglected”, but the truth is my Humanities subjects aren’t doing very spectacularly either. Where did my effort go to?

When grades take up such large slices of my self-esteem (wow concepts of CPI ringing in my head now), it IS inevitable that my self-confidence gets threatened by my development of an inferiority complex. How do I continue believing in myself? I’m rather optimistic, but this optimism can’t land me a spot in university. It can’t.

Sigh, I wonder how many more posts I’m gonna be crafting for my grades and grades alone. There exists a limit I can do this- I guess I’m already nearing the point when people get so annoyed about my incessant whining.

I’d like to establish myself as someone smart, or someone who thinks through her actions before doing anything. I’d hope that people don’t consider me as impulsive, bimbotic, or simply an idiot. But looking at my own work… maybe I was made an idiot.

Sigh, sigh, sigh all the time. Edina just told me that I have a lot less hair all of a sudden. 😦 please don’t bald my dear you’re only 17.


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