Monthly Archives: June 2014

谟事在人,成事在天

Probably one of the first 谚语 (?) I learnt, because it was given to me as an encouragement in Primary 6 for PSLE HAHA. I always felt really special (because) of my parents’ lacking educational backgrounds, that I am already pretty outstanding to make it this far yes??? Please say yes. I mean, everyone’s messages had things like “Mommy and daddy love you” “just do your best!” and long encouraging messages of their expression of love to their children and spurring them on indirectly through that. Maybe that works. In contrast, my parents can’t even converse in English, let’s just recall how my brother teased my mom by saying “if you can spell zebra, I’ll transfer all the money in my bank account to you”. He said that in Chinese, of course.

So… Back to the topic. Among the lengthy English messages spread all over the mobile whiteboard, I had a 谚语 written like a Chinese painting. And that made me feel really special. Back then I didn’t think too deeply into the meaning of this, but now that I’m becoming more tiong-infused and appreciative of the Chinese culture, I realised this phrase really summarises their ideals and desires for me (then).

Just as long as I do my best it’ll be fine, the rest is up to God. Summarised in eight neat Chinese words.

And that’s what I’m telling myself for Prelims tomorrow. Freaking 1.50am and I can’t get myself to sleep because my heart is beating so hard and I can hear it. This is ridiculous, how am I going to overcome this anxiety the night before As?

Lack of updates

Updates on my life:

1. I think I’m going to fail Chem and Econs this coming Prelims, perhaps pass Math and Geog slightly. Ok perhaps I shouldn’t say that too early.

2. I finished Moon Embracing The Sun this holiday wtf Ng Hp you think you straight As student?

3. The only thing I know about the World Cup is the SBS broadcaster and omg she is seriously damn pretty.

4. I’ve redeemed two Starbucks free drinks this holiday OMG

Ok I should really get back to mugging…???

June Holidays before the mugging

I actually think I’m having quite the time of my life at 18, despite the Prelims bells ringing. I’ve been eating way more than I should these few weeks (90% of the time I don’t even Instagram) and I’m literally becoming an all-rounded pig.

1. Pig

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These pictures are my face my face and my face. Sorry to my parents, even though my fattyness right now is primarily due to my diet, I will continue to tell the whole world that it runs in the genes… (reminds me of the joke: nope, nobody runs in your family. HAHAHA.)

2. Attempt to burn out the pig

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NDP! Every Saturday has literally been burnt HAHAHA not sure if I’ll regret when Prelims 1 come back with SUSU (NO PLS) but I chose it so I’ll do it. 🙂 Can’t wait for our OOTD shot on Saturday with our new clothes HAHAHA.

3. Then pig again

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Korean BBQ with the 6S’s 4G! I was R E A L L Y hungry when I woke up at 8.30am and I had to wait 3.5 hours for food what the heck??? The hunger pangs consumed me by lunchtime such that I was no longer hungry at 11am… thank god my appetite came ALIVE the moment we entered the restaurant at 12pm HAHAHA. I’m never the one who roasts the meat at BBQ buffets, most of the time I’m only in charge of eating what’s edible HAHAHA. I ate so much chicken I think I might just become a chicken in my next life.

4. Then celebrate pig’s birthday

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It was Gong’s 18th birthday! It was a surprise birthday celebration once again HAHAHA and this time I was in charge of luring her hehehehe how exciting it is to act stupid and tell so many lies HAHAHAHA. Actually, I really didn’t know where W39 was HAHAHA no guys yes I do stay at Clementi 🙂 I can’t believe it’s so near my house LOL I have a hippy cafe so nearby!!! 😀 I shall go there when I’m richer in a few weeks, totally blew my allowance over the past two days 😦

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I’m soooo good at this lying nonsense it’s funny!!!!! HAHAHA WHERE IS MY AWARD OMG. The video by Chua really pieced the process of the whole surprise together and I actually think it pulled off really well. Kudos to Jiawen and Jiayue (woah Gong likes all the Jias???) who planned out everything in detail, 10 points for their effort omg.

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Us camwhoring outside the toilet where Chenxi was made to change into her dress HAHA.

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The entire cafe was stringed with the unglam photos of Gong (of which I was included in one of them and I think I’m the one who looks ugly instead omg)… Here’s me pointing at one for example HEHE

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With the Red Velvet Cake from the cafe. Shit I was so poor and so broke that I didn’t have any money to get the main course, so I ended up eating two slices of the cake to fill my huge huge huge tummy omg. No wonder I am this size sob the calories in that cake and cream cheese frosting clearly exceeded that of any main course… 😦

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and a Delta photo outside the cafe entrance HEHE. The person who took this photo has lots of skill man I really like this photo a lot- for the lighting and the positioning. I mean, a picture that fits nicely into Instagram must be a really nice photo HAHAHA.

I received my handwritten letter from 6 months (actually 5 months) back. Can’t believe it’s been half a year since the Cambodia trip, once again.

I actually managed to accurately predict my entire year from January- that I would be taking part in NDP “Better study hard on Sundays”; that I would be fretting over Geography “don’t be disheartened- remember failures don’t defeat you, you defeat failures” (shit I’m so deep 5 months ago HAHAHA); and many more more personal points.

There’s one line that hit me pretty hard though “It’s been 7 months, I wonder what will happen in another 6.” In retrospect, thank god nothing happened. I haven’t been on much of an emotional roller coaster this entire year except for my lovely men in my lovely dramas and that’s definitely something to be really pleased about. I fear getting myself involved in emotional exchanges, whether it be making a new close friend or just a passing acquaintance. All the time, I fear that I’ll get too close, before realising that a friendship was never meant to be. I’ve drifted apart from way too many people and the least I could do to prevent this is to avoid getting into unrequited friendships. And that’s why I am grateful for my innate obstinancy, for my resistance to any form of change.

“Never ever get discouraged by what people say to put you down, because you clearly know that you’re better than any of their nonsense.”

I said it to myself 5 months ago, I’ll say it to myself again. I live for myself and that’s that, I’ll never submit myself to the whims and desires of others. I must, and will keep that in mind.

New fangirl of an old film

Spent the entire night (or midnight) watching The Shawshank Redemption which totally led me to question my choices of movies for the past 17 years of my life.

To put it simply, it’s clear why it is first position on IMDB and 91% on Rotten Tomatoes! Omg! Why did I take so long to catch it?

I usually stop midway through movies because I get so sleepy, but today I was so exceptionally annoyed when my TV hanged on me- DUDE CAN YOU SEE WE ARE GETTING TO THE CLIMAX? It was good literally every minute- in the development of characters, the plot, the unending effort he took to route his escape… W o w, really.

Shit is this a movie withdrawal I’m getting? He’s so smart……. Although he’s just a fictitious character but still, ahhh geniuses living in the era before I was even born!

I think I have a thing for old movies. Titanic, Pride and Prejudice (although not exactly old), Sense and Sensibility and now this HAHA. Good movie plots are getting tougher man!

It’s gonna be tough sleeping tonight… you simply don’t watch a good film or read a good book before you sleep omg 😦 once bitten, not shy yet.

Today was really slack for me (Chenxi’s birthday before sleeping the day away) and I guess I’ll regret when Prelims start 😦 time to get my ass moving to mug it off!!!

DU TO THE LAN 2.50AM RIGHT HERE AND I CAN’T SLEEP BECAUSE THE WIND IS DAMN NOISY. My whole family got awakened zzz shut up wind. Surprised my windows haven’t been blown down yet.

Lazy ass pig

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Omg the afternoon out with the Cambodia gang today just made me realise how much I need to work out, I was so tired like 5 seconds into a Frisbee game wtf??? I think I might just get muscle aches from walking or something.

Ng even if you aren’t cut out for sports it doesn’t give you a reason to laze!!!!! Get your ass (and thighs) moving man the A Levels ain’t no excuse 😦

So hurtful

I’ll never understand why people can be so tactless… why? Why so discouraging? I remained silent for a reason, why did you have to make it worse?

They’d never see the value in my pursuit of academia (maybe because both parents didn’t even complete secondary school). Or the pursuit in other areas like NCC. It’ll always either be a waste of time or being a mere busybody that I always am, isn’t it? Because “到最后你拿文凭也是没有用”. Really? Then why did you send me to school?

Sometimes, I really wonder how manage to stay optimistic in my family- where I am constantly being chastised for my grades (I recall getting scolded for getting 48/50 for Math test in primary school). Getting 253 for PSLE was no mean feat (for me), and yet it was seen as a joke for the rest of my family who thought it’ll be funny to taunt me about it. It’s been 6 years, but I’ll never forget how I cried silently to sleep on results day because of “为什么那么烂?!” Come to think of it, have I ever been praised for my results before? I struggle to even recall.

Furthermore, I am constantly living with the reminder that I’m gaining weight, that I am too black, too fat, too manly. Too short. Too slow. Too stupid. Too hot-tempered. Too cocky. Whatever. I’m probably the most imperfect creature ever created. I wonder if this is where my insensitivity and lack of tact stems from.

I don’t want to talk about this anymore this is spoiling my day bye

Roll roll roll your bed

I think something has gone terribly wrong somewhere when I fail to appreciate the beauty of mornings- I mean, I wake up at 8am and a normal thought would be “Wow the day is so beautifully bright I could totally go for a cool morning run” wow sounds like what I should be doing especially with my growing thunder thighs yes?

But no that hasn’t been the case so far: instead I choose to roll around from left to right until 10am because I would much rather lay in bed and attribute my laziness to a lack of sleep. That gives me reason to avoid work 🙂

3 DRQs and 5 essays to be completed by tomorrow… Oh god, waking up tomorrow morning is going to be really dreadful 😦 so not looking forward to it.