Monthly Archives: August 2014

Unnecessary stress

Frankly very tired today, and it was all perpetuated by a very terrible morning.

Where do I start? I think it’s pretty clear what my priorities are at this very moment: study, go Starbucks, sleep, study, do work, study… Call me a freaking no-lifer but I just can’t afford any free time now. I want those As! Who doesn’t?! Even as I attended the NDP function tonight I brought my NOTES into a club. And left promptly at 9 because… come on. I’m not anywhere near ready for Prelims. Don’t even talk about A Levels. Something is wrong when you open a (supposedly easy) paper to be stumped at the very first question.

So when you ask me to free up an entire day just to go shopping (“隨便衰衰”, as quoted), obviously I won’t agree to it. I mean, I don’t even get much sleep on weekdays and you want me to…. go shopping on my weekend? 6 days away to Prelims as of today… really?

Guess what I got chided for disagreeing. Saying that I’m “acting seh”, that everyone “has to accomodate to me”, that “I can go out with my friends but not family”, then starting to lecture me about “degrees are useless, people only look at work performance.” You talk about me constantly excluding myself from outings, but how am I not supposed to? The family flew to USA in August 2011; to Beijing in April 2012; and now they’re heading to China again this coming October. How am I supposed to accommodate your schedules when you clearly know that I have school during then? Is it now my fault, that I’m the last child and I’ll be the last one to graduate? Wow, so now I’ve become the burden because of something I can’t help.

How can I not be hurt? I’m going though possibly the hardest academic struggle of my entire life, I’ve worked so hard for it over the course of these two years, I’ve always had my goals in mind and I’ve never asked for anything extra. I’ve learnt to rely on myself more than anyone else. I refused to ask for tuition even though everyone like DAMN HELL EVERYONE has at least one session per week (even the H3 students). And yes, I do want tuition. I obviously do. I’ve never asked for funding to support my desire of an overseas education. I’ve never asked for increased allowances despite how I’m unable to afford things for my personal consumption after paying for notes and meals. Why can’t I just gain acceptance for my educational desires?

Again it boils down to being the only one in my family struggling though this JC education system. My parents are uneducated (stopped at primary school), my siblings were from poly technics and they never really had major examinations, apart from their O Levels. That leaves me as the only one, the only one struggling though this shitty journey. And the only one who will be struggling through this. I feel so burdened that I have to cope with both my studies and pleasing you all. It’s not even something I should be stressed about at this point in time.

Instead of slamming me down all the time, can’t you just be supportive of my goals for once?

This silence is deafening

Much has happened in my life this whole time I haven’t been blogging. Actually it’s probably because I’ve been up to so much that I don’t have time to stop and blog- I mug almost every bit of free time I have, have a social life the rest of the time, and the rest of the time is used to catch up on my sleep HAHA ya I still nap a lot (not 30 minutes btw I mean about 2-3 hours each time)… not sure how these eyebags came about??? 😦 Instagram has been a pretty effective platform but I don’t like how event descriptions are limited to the limited number of words you have in captions- I love re-reading old blog posts for the content and the thoughts I had at that very point in time. They’re really… memories. Hehe.

Ok here goes I’m sorry:

1. My brother’s birthday

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MY KORKOR IS 28!!!!!!!!

Can’t believe this shit. Just read in Population Geography about 3 hours ago that the average age of marriage for men was 27 in 1973, and that makes my brother an oldie by now HAHA. Thankful to have a really old sibling because I actually grow a lot in my thinking by arguing with him about our opinions every night…. well that’s because both of us are ego bastards HAHAHA nope not giving in. #feminist1996

2. My neighbour’s 21st birthday!

I came home from Starbucks scavenging for dinner because I was dead bloody hungry- and my sister told me to grow some balls and head into my neighbour’s house to get their dinner buffet.

And so I did. I took an entire packet of pineapple rice with pork floss, scooped up some (actually a lot) of sambal chicken, prawns, gahahaha whatever you find in a buffet. It was actually rather embarrassing because all her relatives were at the dinner table encouraging us to sit down and make ourselves at home, but it was reaaalllyyy awkward and I couldn’t pig out in front of such a crowd. So we managed to escape home acting like we were shy about staying there… and we managed to enjoy all that in our own dining room just about 5 metres away HAHAHA.

To top it off we had leftover cake from my brother’s birthday… and when we were nearly done with the cake (bloody crazy calories I swear), we were invited to go over for cake. Omg I swear my overblown tummy this week initiated from that HAHAHA.

And so….. we had a second serving of dessert. We actually stayed for about 2 hours playing games with her friends, decorating doorgifts etc up till 12am!!! The convenience of being near home made everything easier hahaha πŸ™‚ I really enjoyed myself even though I didn’t know any of her friends, they were really welcoming, and I guess that was a good break from studying the entire day πŸ™‚

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Camwhored with the birthday girl hehehe.

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Paiseh repeat picture from Instagram but I think my art work really not bad HAHAHAHA usually I can’t even draw a flower and I actually managed to draw my cup pretty nicely!!! Oh and well, that was a free polaroid *-*

3. Museum visits with my siblings

Acting all artsy-fartsy when we’re actually pieces of fart NOI HAHAHA but oh well at least we learn to be more cultured hor??? Parents are always amused whenever we want to visit exhibitions or museums, HAHAHA. Actually I really want to visit the Singapore Garden Festival / Night Museum this year too, but Prelims and A Levels are impending. Oh well, let’s see what we can do 😦

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2 Degree Ice Art! We actually visited this really really long ago, and it was really impromptu! We wanted to ride the slides so badly so we ran ran ran towards the staircase and guess what we ended up WALKING ON BLOODY SNOW omg it burnt my feet so badly I was immobilised for like 3-5 minutes??? I was seriously looking retarded just standing there waiting for my legs to stop burning up while all the kids dashed by me in their sport shoes… Then I realise there was an alternative pathway to the slide without the snow…. fml are we stupid little kids or what?

At least it was fun though screamed my bloody lungs out HAHAHA. Went home replaying the video of us on the slide over and over again, so glad we managed to capture those priceless moments together πŸ˜‰

Oh and we also went to the Trick Eye Museum at Sentosa! We went during the Hari Raya public holiday, and despite that there weren’t a lot of people- we queued for only 15 minutes as opposed to the 3 hour waiting time that snakes all the way to Adventure Cove on a weekend afternoon HAHAHA. So glad that we went because the galleries were really amazing, looking through my photo gallery puts a wide smile on my face hahaha.

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Some pictures that haven’t been surfaced… uh oh I’m just being myself especially at the last picture, sorry everyone don’t be disappointed in me HAHAHAHA

4. Gracie’s birthday

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I actually think this board is really nice- we lay on GRASS (HA HA) to form the letters of her name at the top of the board, we handwrote cards and stuck our own faces as a form of signature… AND EDINA’S MASTERPIECE HAHAHA I thought that was really nice editing skills omg! And god, check out how cute I am in the bottom right HAHAHA seriously Ng what happened my small eyes used to be the cutest part of me 😦 Decided to use that cutie pie because the photo of me taken in Year 5 is too damn ugly I look bald in the photo HAHAHA.

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Individual photos + group photo hehe. If there’s something I HAVE to thank RV for, it’ll be for bringing me close to this group of girls. Craziest shit ever, can’t wait for our trip to Bangkok after A Levels πŸ™‚

It’s been about a week since my brother’s birthday, and Ooi’s sail. LOL. I may address you everywhere else by your name, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to call you by your name. You described me as “your junior”, and since we’re both in NCC, that means I have basically no right to address you by your name.

It feels so strange, to have no one to complain to, bitch to, be vulgar to… I probably haven’t uttered any vulgarity in the past week too LOL. It’s been a really long time since I had to go this long without talking to who I’d consider the closest to being a best friend of mine. “DUDE I NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY ___ TUTOR” “OMG GUESS MY TEST MARKS NOW” “STOP IGNORING ME WTF” “ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BUY FLOWERS FOR ME CAN I HAVE BLUE ONES?”, the weirdest and randomest shit that I can say without getting judged- actually wait I probably am getting judged pretty badly, but do I care? HAHAHA no. That’s probably the beauty of this friendship :’)

I’m glad I’ve never ever been romantically attracted to this person, because that’s the way golden friendships go. I’ve made silly choices and decisions throughout my life but this has never been one of them. Till today, I’ll honestly never regret it, having been torn between two really important people in my life at that point in time. I listened to my heart, and it has guided me in the right direction, at least for now. Our conversation topics have changed so much over the past 3 years and I’m not sure what’s gonna happen in the next 3 months, much less next 3 years. I’m not sure how long this friendship will sustain given that both of us are heading into such different directions in life- you’re the genius I’ll never comprehend (can’t believe we actually took the same subjects), and then there’s me… sian, thinking of any time period longer than 6 weeks of silence makes me sad.

How do people with navy boyfriends even survive??? I merely lost a texting buddy for 6 weeks and I’m so bored/upset already. Best of luck to all the (real) dates about a week ago, man. Your wait is definitely much more antagonising than mine.

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COME BACK SOON EGO AHOLE πŸ˜₯ By the way I slightly hate you because your waist is smaller than me wtf……… AND I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU TO EAT MORE BECAUSE YOU ALREADY DO kanasai life is unfair.

OMG I WANTED TO BLOG ABOUT NATIONAL DAY (which happens to be YOUR day HAHAHA DESTINED TO SERVE SINCE YOUNG!) BUT I’M GETTING TOO SLEEPY, I’ll do it in a separate post I hope…. I HOPE HAHAHA. I was supposed to do up my Personal Statement but I’m too tired to think coherently, so bye it’s time to disturb my siblings and argue with them for no reason! LOL.

My 3rd maid

My maid has probably boarded her flight by now.

At the age of 5, I cried when my maid went to the hospital for a tummy ache. I lost my bedtime companion!

At the age of 12, I cried for several weeks when my maid of 12 years went back permanently. The added fact that technology was practically useless at that age meant that I lost contact with her permanently, too.

At the age of 15, I didn’t really grow a deep affection with my second maid so I was pretty nonchalant when she left.

And now at the age of 18, I am really happy that my maid is returning home (and coming back after 2 weeks).

The passport hassle, having to visit the embassy again and again, having to fill in tons and tons of paperwork did not faze her at all. For a few weeks she has been packing her things everyday, asking us what we want from the Philippines, telling us how her return was a surprise to her hometown (village?) because she didn’t inform anyone apart from her family that she was returning. I feel really really excited for her, too, because it’s been 4 years since she met her family members. 4 freaking years!!!! I can’t even imagine being apart from my family for such a long time, not to forget she doesn’t have Skype and all that nonsense that aids communication.

But…. now I need to wake up slightly earlier to boil water and fill my water bottle by myself… Buy my own dinner, cut my own fruits, wash my own clothes, make my own bed…. ok oh no pampered bitch speaking please don’t judge xoxo I can iron…. you.

Hope she has a safe flight! The aviation industry has been pretty scary lately 😦