Monthly Archives: October 2014

Losing fuel :'(


Omg so bloody excited but for now
GCME/GP I need to own your ass


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To the end of 6 years in RV

These are some thoughts because it’s 10.38pm and I’ve taken medicine that cause drowsiness (actually I think it’s psychological drowsiness cause it says “drowsiness” so I feel drowsy too).

It’s 2 days to graduation from RV and it’s pretty surreal. Really surreal. What the hell? I can’t believe it’s been 6 years since I finished my PSLE… er since I cried after receiving results maybe? Since I took cabs 3 times to and fro Crescent, to and fro the old RV campus just to submit my appeal forms. I don’t think I was mature enough to recognise the importance of this, but thanks Mom for accompanying me through those trips. Since I jumped for joy (literally) upon picking up the telephone call… since I rejoiced because… I ended up in the same class as my primary school crush. LOL. I have really gone through so much in these 6 years. It’s easy to say “time passed by in a flash” because I’ve already been through it all (and the time really passed anyway), but when I lookd through my photo albums, it’s crazy man it’s been a really, really, long journey. It feels much longer than primary school, because I don’t exactly have clear memories of my first 3 years in primary school… but that’s different in RV. I remember most of the years really clearly.

Let’s admit it, RV hasn’t been completely pleasant. Honestly, if I graduated in Year 4, I’d leave RV with really really excellent memories. It’s just a pity that JC didn’t offer me an equally enjoyable experience.

My first 2 years in RV as a member of 1C and 2C was pretty great. Let’s see what I can remember:

I was sleeping at 2am every night and waking up at 5.38am just to run for 166.
I had pretty sexy GPAs reaching above 3.5 for most of the terms… wah, I think I need to head back to Malan to retrieve my brain,
I had a relatively quiet class (with pretty active class discussions honestly),
I had class thieves, our money and class funds kept going missing,
I had lots of 剪报 to do, I had lots of Chinese books to read (took an entire month to read 水浒传), and my Chinese grades hovered around C5 to C6. My record for 作文 is 28/70 and I think that’s pretty unbeatable!
I loved running and I would come to school at 6.45am just to run (er?),
I was really really black, I was very involved in NCC activities, I loved NCC to hell I would look forward to going CCA the entire morning on Tuesday/Friday,
I was allocated to wipe whiteboards on Wednesdays,
I was commonly mistaken as Ling Sheng while Ling Sheng was commonly mistaken as me,
I hated climbing up the stairs just to change out of PE shirt into pinafore because I would perspire like a watery cow after changing,
I secretly derived joy from the fact that my Math test scripts were always placed one of the lasts (given out in order of marks), but I always lost to WWY because I could never do bonus questions,
I texted people all the bloody time with an LG Ice-cream (5000 messages a month guys don’t look down on a LG Ice-cream) and I wonder how I had the patience to jam on those keys because right now I’m so lazy to even unlock my phone to check WhatsApp messages,
I was either known as the girl with a huge ass or the girl with the transition spectacles, because the good girl me decided that wearing PE shorts beneath the pinafore was the best choice, and the bad girl me decided to go against the rules of “no-tinted glasses” since I was in Year 1.
I truly loved PSB and Council activities. I’ve always wondered what would happen if I wasn’t selected for FSD, because honestly my life would probably have taken a drastic turn towards Council, instead of away from Council.
I hated CID1 Physics kns bloody solar car made me shed so many tears in Year 1 LOL stayed up till 3am rolling bloody cars around in my living room pek to the bloody cek.
I lost my CID rocket and I would think it’s solely my responsibility, up till today I still feel really apologetic about it. Our rocket was working really fine, with all the great materials, the fishing lines… we were so close to the 8 seconds target for the rocket in the air! We would really have owned the project if we didn’t have to redo the rocket. Sorry Darryl, Amanda and Ling Sheng 😦
SKM was one of the best memories in Year 2, and I’ll always miss the 10pm hanging around at VivoCity, running to Tiong Bahru just to get cardboard, just to paint. My siblings came to support me at Takashimaya and it was really great to have gotten 2nd in the competition. I went to sleep happily every night, despite being kept busy all the time. Overparticipating in these nonsense was probably the stupidest, and the best decisions I made in Years 1 and 2.
I attended every bloody chalet in the same clothes and the same FBTs (which I am still wearing today LOL most durable $9 airy shorts ever).

Years 1 and 2 was pretty much boring… yet fun. I was innocent and horrible at the same time, I looked like shit but yet I actually think I look quite normal. I thought I was cool but man I was seriously the uncoolest shit ever, I was friendly and unfriendly at the same time, I was the gossip library and probably known for being pretty obnoxious… I honestly think I was quite infamous… no? I was so damn bitchy I acted like the world revolved around me (maybe I still am/still do?) hehehe ask me if I regret? Nope, because the very fact that I acted on the spur of the moment many times, and the fact that I was probably really stupid have made good memories. I’m thankful for the opportunities given to me especially in NCC, because without them I probably wouldn’t have had enjoyed school so much. I learnt and grew a lot through those days, and I think those experiences made me mature a lot. NCC also showed me that I am much stronger mentally and physically than I actually think I am: I wouldn’t have had the determination to run 15 rounds a day, I wouldn’t have had the mental drive to run up and down staircases just to train my physical stamina, I wouldn’t have had held through all those mental trainings, such as holding in pumping positions for 15 minutes wondering what the hell I’m doing in NCC. I emerged stronger, and definitely better.

Academic wise, if it were not for my teachers in Years 1 and 2, Mr Loke and 李老师 in particular, I wouldn’t have had such great lessons too. One thing that truly changed for the better in my RV life was my Chinese. I actually grew much more interested in Chinese and well… looked forward to Chinese lessons! 李老师 was a really really excellent teacher, she managed to cultivate an interest in Chinese in me. That’s really amazing, especially for a person who took 30 minutes to read ONE article on 早报逗号 back in Year 1. I couldn’t even write my name properly with the correct strokes!!! The fact that I looked forward to Chinese lessons, and started looking out for Chinese words and idioms in the papers to improve my Chinese says a lot, I was really determined to reverse my shitty Chinese. That may not have paid off quickly in those years, but I’m glad I managed to pull off an A2 in HCL O Levels. I think it’s unimaginable, till today. After As, I need to return to my primary school to thank (and inform) my Primary 6 Chinese teacher, who never gave up hope on me despite my disastrous Chinese grades LOL.

Friendship-wise… One person I’d really love to thank over here is Ling Sheng. I don’t recall if I was ever so grateful/appreciative of the people in my life back in Years 1 and 2 cause afterall I was a bitch remember? kekeke. Thank you for sticking around even though I am nothing like you, I am definitely not as cultured and diligent. And hardworking. I remember you crying in class because you didn’t do well for a (History?) test that you studied really hard for as compared to me. I just… sat there and wondered what to do as an insensitive prick. I remember your hard work in the last few days leading up to the History exam, which you eventually got an A for. Hard work does pay off! You’ve been a really nice friend to be around and I can’t even express enough how lucky I am to have met you on the very first day. I’m sorry I haven’t been putting much effort into catching up with you these few years, except our occasional long chats on WhatsApp. The worst flaw I could probably pick out in you is…. that you’re too tall?!?!?! You’re a really nice and genuine person and I would think your future husband will be an extremely lucky man 🙂 I look forward to studying in UK with you!

The next 2 years in Years 3 and 4 were the most eventful of my RV life. I laughed the most, I enjoyed much more freedom, I did many many many more activities, I cried a lot, I did the wildest things… and I must say, these two years were the years I grew the most.

Year 3, is until today, the happiest year in my life. I was very very lucky, I had many opportunities in NCC, in leadership positions, but one drawback was that it kept me sleeping in class I was sick for 3 months, I blew my nose in class so much teachers asked me if I had sinus, I had sore throat on and off that I had to buy medicine secretly so that my mother wouldn’t find out that I had yet to recover, I had mucus even during FSD such that I had to run to the sink to clear my nose before the start of the competition. I cried and failed during FSD, I rejoiced and teared during FSD too. It was the hardest I had worked in my entire life, it took up most of my December holidays, it took up every weekend of mine, every weekday night. Those memories at Jieling’s house were really really pretty great, we hacked each other’s Twitters, we met every morning and left only at night, we ran to Pioneer Mall to eat MacDonalds… we took dumb photos of each other sleeping on the floor on the table on the sofa, we watched videos and did the entire routine in the living room of her house. Bring me back to those days, because even though they were really tough, I enjoyed every minute of it. I didn’t even want it to end. Thanks FSD girls, for having been through so much with me. I’m so thankful for all of you.

Because of my thousand of activities, I was a sleepy cow 24 hours. I feel so apologetic to my teachers who taught me in those two years because I basically dozed off in EVERY LESSON before recess AFTER recess I DOZED OFF IN THEM ALL. My names were constantly called during lesson “Hui Ping! Answer my question!” “Hui Ping! Wake up!” “又睡觉了”, and to make things worse I was the chairperson… and many times I was always only awakened during the end of class just to ask the class to 起立行礼. Oh dear god I was the most horrible student and chairperson on this Earth??? I wonder why 陈老师 ever thought I was responsible… gosh. I drooled on my worksheets, table… wow. I’m not exactly sure how I managed to graduate with 4.0 GPA er wait were my grades rigged or something? I was always so damn sure that I was gonna flunk a Math test before working on it… always so damn sure that I wrote the worst piece of essay ever before getting my first and only A for Language Arts??? Okay I must have been (still) a little irritating bitch. To be honest, I really didn’t study much in those years man. I was probably doing it really effectively though, staying up till 3am just to memorise how oxbow lakes are formed, staying overnight in MacDonalds and finishing up to 4 Math papers in a night. Regurgitation was how I survived Years 3 and 4, I think they really worked man. No wonder I became so stupid in JC, I doubt I truly learnt anything in those years, even though my grades turned out to be really outstanding in those years.

My bitch mode maximised in Years 3 and 4. I was an extreme extrovert, I texted every guy I know (ok la too exaggerated LOL) because my BlackBerry made it extremely easy to talk to the entire world), maybe because they were undergoing the “puberty” I experienced earlier in Years 1/2 when I had 1000 crushes. I sent up to 15000 messages a month ZAISHITPORKZ. I was on MSN with 1000 tabs every night… I would excitedly turn on my computer to see who’s online to speak to. Okay now I really miss MSN all of a sudden 😦 My pinafore got tighter and tighter because of my uncontrollable eating, MCSPICY UPSIZE at Jurong Central Park after CCA every Friday, ice-cream at MacDonalds everytime we ended at like 9pm, double dinners at Long Johns with the FSD team before going home for a 2nd dinner, zicha at Tiong Bahru every week. No wonder my belt became so tight zzz. My parents also retired from work, we ate so frequently because of my Dad’s continued steady supply of income. My Dad started to send me to school, I started to spend a lot more time with my family since I saw them every single day, I started to place less value on the time we managed to spend together… I never went overseas with them together anymore, sadly.

Year 3 was also a highlight because I had my first and last relationship (hi anyone wants to pick me up now?) and I think I grew the most, the freaking most, out of that entire ordeal. Notice how I called it an ordeal he he. I seriously think I was living in a drama, because I was impossibly happy and sad. I never cried much over my break-up, but I cried whenever I recall happier memories. It was so easy to shed tears… oh my god it’s as if I was living through Autumn’s Concerto over and over again. In my junior high years, I was so lazy to take the train home and I would take 99 home just so I could sit all my way home. But er… somehow I would rush home to shower, before rushing to leave the house just to catch up over dinner. To you, if you’re ever reading this (LOL probably not because this L1 text is gonna lower your IQ like what you said), I’m not sure whether I’m upset that we’re not exactly in contact anymore. I guess we’ve taken very different paths in life and I don’t think we could relate to each other unlike the past. It’ll be really strange if we are still close anyway. Nonetheless, thank you for the memories, I really grew a lot. Although you made me afraid to approach future relationships, I guess it has all turned out well because I learnt to rely on myself more than anything, or anyone. I hope you’ll be successful, like you’ve always been. Honestly, I was always very proud of you. I sincerely hope you’ll be happy in whatever you do in the future, too.

Year 4 honestly passed really quickly: I must say it has been one of the fastest years in RV. It was probably because it was the shortest year for me, mid-August I was already informed that I was fully exempted and from then on life became chill and cool… I watched dramas, I went out every night, wow complacency did strike me pretty hard. I had ugly short hair (and honestly I think it’s one of the boldest and wildest stupidest decision I’ve made) but I really loved it! I really like looking back at my photos to check out how ugly I was (not that I look any better now la) because it makes me laugh. All of us looked ugly but we had this saying passing around us that “it’s okay we got no boyfriend”, “nevermind hair will grow out eventually!”. I took my grades more seriously despite my complacency, I wanted to do well and yet I was highly unmotivated (? I continued to score well through regurgitation of content, without truly learning). I texted a lot less because I didn’t want to get close to anyone anymore… actually I think I was just lazy. I grew the most in Year 4 and got to understand myself a lot better. I appreciated alone time with myself, I took to reading novels, watching dramas, heading to museums on my own to while time away while I’m alone. I got a lot closer with my siblings and we went out very very frequently, be it to Singapore Polytechnic, to Clarke Quay, to NEX, anywhere, anytime, just to eat anything. I could return home from a school day just to leave for Clementi CC to play badminton, I could wake up from a nap just to be pulled out back to Jurong Point (LOL) to have dessert… I got really really close with my siblings and today, I am very thankful for that. They are the people I’m gonna miss most if I really do pursue an overseas education 😦

I went on OELP Australia, OCIP Cambodia, ICEP New Zealand… that’s a lot of travelling in a single year. New Zealand was really refreshing in a way… it was quite a good time away from home. I had my own bunk to myself and every night before I slept I did a lot of self-reflection and thinking. The long bus trips and airplane rides also gave me a lot of time to work on reflections, and I wrote a lot a lot a lot of crap in my phone that I may, or may not have published. It wasn’t so much of the activities on the trip that was really enjoyable, but the thoughts and “letters” that I wrote to myself again and again. I was upset yet strong, I was helpless but I grit my teeth through everything that threatened the state of my emotions. Cambodia was where I matured a lot too, where I appreciated the intricacies of life in Singapore, where I appreciated the fact that I had opportunities to even MUG, to have clean baths and clean water. I think all of those privileges were easily taken for granted when I was in Singapore, and it came as a shock to me how bathing in grey water with frogs and mozzies was considered a way of life for people in Cambodia. It was already a form of “clean bath”, away from bathing in streams and rivers. Reflections every night were really insightful and I loved how all of us shared our observations of their way of life, of their simple derivation of happiness just by going to school, and how children in Singapore and Cambodia are extremely different just by growing up in different familial backgrounds and economic environments. Even though I am probably just yet another person who engages in voluntourism to merely bring more harm than good to the villagers, I have learnt a lot from the humbling experience and I am extremely thankful to have been given the opportunity to head on such a meaningful and insightful trip. As stated in my personal statement in my application for UCAS, in my pursuit of Geography as a degree, I do hope to learn more about such societies in the future (especially what has held them back from development and how these issues can be better resolved) so that I can better contribute with greater knowledge of these societies. It’ll be a really meaningful life if I manage to put whatever I learn in university into good use in society, and that’s the beauty of an Arts degree, I must say. It’s not so much of technical expertise, but the fulfilment and self-satisfaction, and I think that is something that I would really love to obtain in the pursuit of life.

As mentioned above I ended the school year off well as I was exempted. I made one of the most selfish decisions ever to leave the Floorball team when they were struggling with numbers. (I’m truly sorry to the seniors, especially those who put in a lot of effort just to keep juniors like me..) I had an enjoyable 3 weeks at COC where I was once again lucky enough to receive hell lots of opportunities, and I had the most kickass birthday celebrations ever in 2012. I got a sore throat right after COC POP (I actually remember L O L I think I didn’t get sore throat ever since I recovered from my 3-month-long sickness during FSD), but I think that was the most “worth it” sore throat ever given that it was caused by excessive shouting of the Cadet Officer Creed and parade commands, maybe? I had never felt prouder of myself despite my academic achievements and I think it proved to me that achievements out of academic pursuits, were much more important in the determination of my self-worth and self-esteem. Somehow, while my grades remained important to me, I realised that self-fulfilment was much more than my grades, and I think that was something I took a very very long time to realise.

All in all, Year 3 and 4 were the best years of my life, they call it the teenage years maybe. Teenagers in other countries were getting pregnant and having babies, but I’d like to think that the Asian experience involves a lot of studying and… feelings. I matured a lot in those years, I tried to blog less controversial content and less childish content so that I no longer get judged for what I write on my blog. I tried la, okay, may not necessarily have worked out HAHA. I (unfortunately) started to get more concerned about my weight and how I looked, maybe because of the fact that my sister was anorexic and some of her weight loss ideals rubbed off on me. I made many short-term friends that turned against me, I bitched about people so so so much more, I was bitched about so so so much more too, but once again, those experiences served to help me grow as a person. Thank you to those who told me about the times I was bitched about, they serve to help me improve and become a better person, and what I can say is, you guys are true friends. I really appreciate those constructive criticism that checked my attitude and behaviour 🙂

It wasn’t long after COC that Year 5 started again. And Year 5 started off pretty much with a bang. But sadly, my JC life turned out very bitter, I turned very cynical and resentful in these 2 years.

I remember the first day after initiation ceremony when Jiawei called me (JIAWEI WHY DON’T YOU EVER CALL ME ANYMORE) to have lunch because school ended early (?!) super bloody random. Coincidentally when we were waiting at the bus interchange we met Jiawen and Jieling who were preparing to go mug ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL (?!) But we ended up… going to Long John’s to do Math for like 1 hour before watching Wreck-it Ralph LOL. I remember I was struggling with Inequalities then, it’s amazing how much we’ve moved on in the syllabus since the first day of school in Year 5!!! We were tweeting stuff like Ïf only everyday could be like this” and Ïf everyday in JC was like this I will really love JC”, it’s finally how the weirdest little things (eg. eating lunch after school) are things that I truly keep close to my heart hahaha.

But I would think those better memories were short-lived. I started JC life off being annoyed at how we started school 2 weeks earlier. (or actually 4 weeks because everyone had 2 weeks of orientation) I was annoyed at how our initiation was nothing like the orientation of other schools. Nope, not the fault of the planning committee, it was the very nature of our 6-year Integrated Programme that disallowed any new interactions between people… how do you do a mass dance when the person beside you is someone you’re already acquainted with? Most importantly, I was annoyed how other schools had extremely strong school spirits which our level didn’t give a shit about. Our level ponned every shit possible, ponned every dance… every house event. 99% of the level ponned (haha no la not so exaggerated once again, maybe 98%) every shit seriously. People on RV confessions were complaining about the lack of school spirit in our school, people were complaining about the lack of initiatives in our school, people were complaining that the school didn’t feel much like a JC, but the truth is NO ONE GAVE A SHIT EVEN WHEN INITIATIVES WERE CARRIED OUT! It was so frustrating omg. To make things worse, the school refused to budge on so many ends, given that we were a 6-year secondary school. We couldn’t have activities beyond 6pm, we couldn’t have this, we couldn’t carry this out, our this and our that were all rejected! Other JCs could easily hold events till 10pm, 11pm, and our uncoolness on this end made house initiatives so much tougher. On hindsight, the school’s stand was understandable especially with the new generation of parents (I promise to not be one of them my future son and daughter, I will not call the school and get them to release you on time at 6pm), but I guess this was the price to pay for being in an IP school. The good thing is that you get all 6 years in the same campus, and that’s the worst thing too. Especially in JC, that’s something not really amazing. Year 1 juniors knocking on the glass window at the library for no reason when we’re studying…? er… are you playing knock knock with me? Year 1 juniors playing catching at the bus stop…? err… guys… please.

The rules that governed the JC body also irritated the H E L L out of me. I got my first ever management diary entry in Year 6 for a SHORT SKIRT which I was forced to change out of, 2 months to graduation. I was so bloody pissed because 1. I LOOK LIKE AN ULTIMATE NERD IN SCHOOL YOU THINK I’D WANT TO KEEP A SHORT SKIRT WHO COULD STOP ME FROM GROWING FAT / 2. It tainted my bloody hell pretty records for 6 years (with a record that was grammatically wrong, by the way oh my gosh). So I got pissed, and from then on I decided that being a perfect student in school doesn’t really pay off unless you have a skirt that’s long enough to touch your toes. (I’m probably the best student ever I haven’t had any homework undone for so long I swear to heaven and earth because I WORK ALL MY WEEKENDS AWAY DOING HOMEWORK) Since I decided to be cool, I decided to be really cool in the last few weeks of school. I didn’t take ANY single MC in my entire 6 years of RV life, and I took 2 just in the past 2 weeks. (actually, I’m really taking medication anyway.) Because my records weren’t perfect anymore, anyway. I was never late in Years 1 to 4, and I was late 4 times these two years. The rules that bogged down this entire school system about no coloured shoes (not even shoes that turned grey from dirt) pissed me off so much, the rules about no this no that in JC. Other JCs don’t even care much, people in Poly were wearing their home clothes with dyed hair and shit and… we can’t wear dirty white shoes to school? Oh wait, let’s recall that… the school SAYS NO TO RELATIONSHIPS! Er… we are 18 and we cannot… date. Remember guys, ONE ELBOW DISTANCE! Well done to the nunnery! They have indeed done a good job!

And of course there’s the countless times the school has been pissing the JC students off, eg. disallowing us to go support a Floorball match because of an assembly programme that I’m sure we signed up and indicated extreme interest for. I wasn’t an excellent student in Year 5 in terms of academics and I was deprived of many opportunities, opportunities and internships were only opened up to people who hit above a certain level of ranking points. Combinations such as GCME were automatically turned away in consideration for any scholarship applications or possible programmes that may heighten our chances of obtaining scholarships, given our school’s emphasis on Sciences and Maths. BEC awards were given out in this order: 6A, B, C….. and it ends at L, because onwards were all classes with 3H2 or odd 4H2 combinations. The Humanities were obviously a lot less favoured, the school organised trips to GSK, Medicine internships… but you hear nothing about Humanities scholars or programmes. I began to feel like one of the “rejected birds” of the school, well afterall I couldn’t expect much from being in 6S can I? When you have all the potential PSC scholars in the PCME classes, the potential medicine students in the BCME classes, it’s hard to give attention to students taking Geography… er, pretty sure the school doesn’t take much pride in our relatively poorer distinction rates. I was extremely motivated in Year 6 to do well and do some justice to myself (and my combination), but that didn’t change the fact that little emphasis was given to our class, and the rojak combinations we had. You talk about fairness, but how am I supposed to feel that way when we are obviously being subjected to unfairness? I don’t think Humanities students are in anyway less smart than Science students, it’s just that the lower numbers of us results that less scholars are produced. Does that mean that we’re not as outstanding? No! If you continue to place less emphasis on such Arts/Hybrid Stream students, obviously we’ll never do as well! It works the same way as a poverty cycle, no?

I would think that without the encouraging teachers and best tutors I could ever have in this world, living through JC life in this school would be much more horrible. Thankfully I got to enjoy learning so much more these two years and truly truly truly picked up content knowledge that I know will be helpful even after I graduate. The essay skills, the critical thinking processes, all seemed pretty redundant to me at Year 4 level, but right now I finally understand the importance of writing well. Er, I figured, but I still can’t write well, so please don’t start picking out my mistakes HAHAHA. I learnt how to probe deeper into assumptions, learnt how to structure an essay better… (especially in Geography!) These were all writing skills I never managed to learn or comprehend at Year 4 levels. I finally figured out how to tell a good and horrible (eg. mine) essay apart, instead of rolling my eyes at my own essays (and the marker’s comments) all the time in Year 4 and 5 because the bitch me never understood why my essays were bad.

Throughout JC life my social life went on an absolute decline, I relied a lot more on the existing friends I had and I shut off connections with many people that I couldn’t bother to keep in contact with, or that I wouldn’t see myself keeping in touch with 5 years down the road. I became more of an introvert (even though I would still think that I’m pretty much an extrovert), and kept to myself a lot more. I no longer saw the need to keep up with everyone’s social lives on Twitter (or maybe I just preferred studying to scrolling through my timeline), and I figured out the need to work extremely hard for what I want. I became much more disciplined and organised in my work, I enjoyed learning much more, and I became a lot more curious and inquisitive in whatever I was learning. I think that has increased my IQ quite a bit HAHAHA I must have been really stupid throughout my secondary school years. I slowly figured out what I wanted and worked towards it. I wanted to take part in NDP, and so I did, and even though I struggled to keep up with schoolwork, I honestly think I coped pretty well given the demands of JC 2 life. It had been a pretty amazing experience, I must say. I finally managed to accomplish something in my bucket list! I wanted to pick up the piano, and so I did, and made sure I kept aside time to practise and well, catch up on homework too. My piano teacher said I’m a fast learner (with loads of potential)! Okay, actually maybe she may have said that to every student she taught. But I’ll just think I’m her special student. Hehe.

In JC I also grew bigger dreams, I better knew what I wanted in life, I researched extensively on the possible paths that I can take at 18, and I became much more willing to take risks. I’m glad that I did pretty okay this Prelims because it feels as if effort does pay off, honestly I think I’ve worked really really hard this year. Even though I take many off days and off hours (like these 4 hours…), I still spend the majority of my time studying. I’m either studying or sleeping, and I think that’s commendable because the me in Year 4 would have been extremely distracted by dramas, social media, my family… somehow distractions were much more difficult to avoid. But I think I picked up the idea of delayed gratification a lot better this year, and began to appreciate better what it’s like to play hard after working hard. I was telling Edina today that I can’t wait for As to be over, and on the very day As are over I’m gonna do something that wastes a HELL LOT OF TIME, eg. queuing up for something stupid for 2-3 hours because by then, I WOULD HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD. But that’s still more than a month from now, so I gotta hold out till then!

Wow, I’m not sure how I managed to type out 5000 words… of just pure rambling. I don’t think anyone would be reading beyond the 500th word unless you’ve been with me every part of my secondary school/RV journey (which no one did because I don’t have classmates for 6 years LOL), but typing this has brought a smile on my face for most of the parts. Even though I’m not ending my RV journey as happily as I would have in Year 4, I remain thankful to the opportunities that have been presented to me since Year 1. I wouldn’t be able to imagine myself in any other school, receiving a totally different set of education, with different friends, teachers. I would probably have turned out really really differently, maybe I might have been cooler, but it’s okay, because I like how I’m uncool 😉 I’m grateful for the set of friends I’ve managed to make, I’ve been in this “comfort zone” for too much of my life and I think I’d struggle with life after I get out of RV given that I’m such an awkward turtle nowadays. One of the blessings in RV is how you manage to get to know almost 80% of the level after 6 years, and how there’s this certain level of recognition for everyone in the level. There are people I don’t even talk to in school, who will wave to me out of school, and I think that’s really cool. I wonder if other schools are like this, too.

Despite all the trash I’ve said about RV, given a choice now, I’d still pick the same path. I can’t imagine myself anywhere else. It hasn’t been perfect definitely, but no education system is perfect man, and regardless of all the shit I’ve said, I guess I fit into no place better. Years 1 to 4 were extremely wonderful, and while JC life showed me the ugliest sides of this school, JC life also taught me the most in terms of content knowledge, and… life. Although this seems ironical, I guess it’s something to be thankful for.

Thank you RV for these 6 years, it’s been bittersweet.

/I shall add in pictures if I have time, but most of the time when I say this, I don’t come back to the post anymore. Hee.


October 2, 2014

Today was a pretty strange day,

Mom called home at night to ask about my results (?!)- she hasn’t done that ever since primary school, maybe sometimes she might just ask me at home in passing but this time she went down to the specificity of every subject. “How many marks?” “HUH SO LOUSY AH?” (er evidently still living in the primary school era when only Band 1 was acceptable or something). Fortunately (or unfortunately) only GP was returned, but I didn’t do too well… and I honestly think she was secretly happy.

Then she went on to say (in Chinese) “actually you don’t need to be too stressed” / “国大不是好” “南大也是很好吗很方便不麻烦” / “尽力就够了”, presumably trying to discourage me from going overseas. I once thought she really encouraged me to, I mean she does get a lot of bragging rights no?! “我的女儿出国读,哎呀是难啦,不过努力就好lor” OMG I CAN TOTALLY HEAR HER SAYING THAT??? but I guess there are two sides to the coin… Let’s just say she’s dropping subtle hints to tell me that she will miss me hehe. I’m not denying that I’m gonna miss home a hell lot too IF I do study overseas, especially when my parents are already pretty old… By the time I’m back my Dad would be 60…?!?! And my mom would be approaching that age, too.

But I’ll just strive for what I want. I’m glad my parents brought me up to be an independent thinker, to carry out my own decisions and do whatever I want at my own free will as long as I return home at the end of the day. That’s risky parenting but I think I’ve learnt a lot, and today I’m extremely thankful for it.

Ok good night while my non-existent balls are shrinking for tomorrow, quite afraid that I don’t do well for Geography because c’mon I’m pursuing a degree in geography, right?! The rest of the papers…. Er…. Maybe I’ll start to worry about it tomorrow morning.