Monthly Archives: January 2015

12 days

It’s 12 days to enlistment. Yes, I’m really enlisting!

When you do things on your own accord and when you make your own decisions, it really isn’t all that bad. I am frankly quite excited to travel to Tekong (I’ll take this back in about 3 weeks time!)- not many girls can boast of this opportunity and I’m glad that I can butt into army conversations one day, talking about shit that happened or shit that we did. So far I haven’t regretted this decision, and honestly I think I will never. The way the senior commanders’ eyes light up when they talk about the highlights in their military career, when they talk about how much they have achieved in their 20-30 odd years in service. One of them mentioned that we were old enough to distinguish between sales talks and thoughts that come from within the heart, and I think that can’t be more accurate.

I don’t think it’s wrong to look forward to booking out- but I can imagine myself looking through pictures and missing home. I hope I’ll be too tired to do so.

And I hope I get enough sleep of course.

MSAP Navy + Commissioning Parade

Don’t really have much to say, apart from the fact that it was damn fun. Omg, there are some programmes that will randomly make me regret signing up for, but into Wednesday/Thursday I was hoping that the day will never end. The people were such a fun bunch, and I’m really looking forward to our next outing / taking a picture together during POP HAHAHA

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Being on board a warship is the coolest thing ever, or maybe it’s because I have never really been on board a big ship (not even a cruise!) My parents left me at home when I was young ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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Our last day together, and we went bowling! I honestly think I did pretty okay given that I haven’t bowled in a long time… even though I’m still far from hitting a 3 digit HAHAHA.

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Repeat photo: but congratulations ๐Ÿ™‚ Hope you stop falling sick now that you’re finally commissioned!

JB/Steamboat with Delta ’12

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Spent the entire day at City Square, how did we even do that? I tried to get rid of my excess RM from the Pangkor trip and man I still have excess of it even after buying BREAD EGGTARTS KUEHBULU home of which I probably ate only about 10% of them.

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Look who’s not even trying to edit photos/find the better pictures in my phone because Weihan captures the best photos, so here are the credits for him! This is something weird to be concerned about but I haven’t shat out the food from yesterday ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I think it feels like family among us because all these people speak Chinese regularly in conversations, and I always feel that Chinese as a medium of communication makes me feel closer to the person. I observed yesterday that NONE of us had English names which was really interesting. LOL. Oh, even though my Chinese sucks of course. Weihan likes to remind me about that, and unfortunately that’s something I can never deny.

Family time today

It’s really the official last time in school uniform.

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Look at the large crowd behind me!!! LOL. Mom insisted on coming even when I told her there wasn’t a need to, and she told other neighbours that I WANTED HER TO COME TO HELP ME TAKE PHOTOS. ??????? LOGIC???? LOL, EXTREMELY HIGH LEVEL OF NONSENSE. But I’m not angry, just amused by her ๐Ÿ™‚

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Me and my favourite MP (cause he has been the only MP I know since young, and it has been the same MP giving me Edusave awards since 2007 HAHAHA). I got the Good Progress Award which awards $250 which is good enough of course, it feels as if money is falling from the sky HAHAHA. Man, I must have done really badly last year.

and I ate with my siblings tonight…… in my new BLACK REFLECTIVE SPECTACLES. Dear god, I’ve been buying my spectacles from this optometrist all my life and my spectacles were NEVER so reflective, this pair of glasses are so friggin SHINY that I swear I can’t play mahjong in it, other players are definitely gonna see my tiles man. Furthermore it’s a new pair ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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It’s so glaring even in a normal-looking photo ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Hope I won’t get arrowed for it in BMT omg ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I’m tired and lazy to be reflective (so punny over here), and I think being more active on Tumblr is a bad sign because it shows that I’ve been spending too much time with myself thinking about nonsense. And… I think ้ฃŽไธญๅฅ‡็ผ˜ will be my last drama in a long long time ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

The One

โ€œOne day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65,
you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to findโ€“โ€“
is they are not always with whom we spend our livesโ€

โ€• Beau Taplin, Hunting Season

When I was 13 and watching people get into their first relationships, a frequent question posed was “What age do you think it’s fine to get into a relationship?” And my answer was always 16 or 18. These two ages seemed like the true legal ages, along with the laws in Singapore. It seems more appropriate to do everything only when it’s legal, and that’s presuming we have the maturity that’s… required for dating.

I’m freshly 18 now, or maybe I’ll prefer to call myself 19 since no one really cares about birth months. I’ve surpassed that age! However, I’ve been single for the past 4 years of my life (unfortunately I can’t say 19) and I’m very proud of this relationship status. Why shouldn’t I? I’ve been independent by myself, and it clearly displays that I am not reliant on anyone. I’m very sure that anyone can get into a relationship if they WANT to- there are many fishes out there. Come on, my PW topic was on online dating. Apps, sites, even if you can’t find any on the streets. Be it a guy or girl, you CAN get into a relationship as long as you want to. It’s just a matter of whether the person is right for you.

Why am I concerned about relationships anyway? I know I’m still young and searching, with millions of breeds of fish that I have yet to come across. It’s just an occasional concern I have, ever since I started catching up on so many romance dramas. I’m not scarred from my previous relationship, I’m not apprehensive about getting to know someone new, and I think I’m not even closely guarded. But I can’t deny that I’m worried I’ll never find the one. I read The New Paper some years ago, that half of all married couples are not with their soulmates. That’s what I’m afraid of. I’ve been watching too many dramas which have romanticised the idea of love too much, that perhaps one day I will truly fall head over heels over someone. One day, I might be willing to sacrifice my stable career, independent and carefree life, just to tie myself down to someone who can bring me joy like no other. But what if I’m left with no choice? What if I’m 28 and reaching the end of my attractive ages, or what if I’m 32 and urgently looking for a partner just to bear children before fertility declines? By then, would I really marry because of love, or marry in the possibility that I may find love in later years?

How am I going to find The One? I’m far from a normal girl, I’m signing on with the SAF, I have an entire iTunes playlist of Chinese songs, and I love ancient dramas so much. I’m not the most attractive girl out there. I can’t cook for nuts, I can’t put make up, wait, I don’t even know how to tie plaits. I make extremely offensive and snide remarks at people, I’m noisy, and of course extremely shameless. I’ve lived and eaten well for the past 19 years of my life, and I have no intention of leading a more frugal life in the future. I’m not sure if I’ll ever find someone who shares the same values as me when it comes to spending (because money is sensitive, man), or when it comes to living my life for fulfillment and happiness. Many people meet their marriage partners in their schooling years, and as my schooling years slowly tend to an end (AND ESPECIALLY SINCE I WANT TO STUDY ABROAD), it’s not unusual that I start worrying. My sister is 23, and she’s worried too. Afterall, Hannah Quinlivan is 21 and newly married.

It’s not helping that we get exposed to all the fairytale weddings (Jay Chou), or even fairytale BIRTHDAY SURPRISES (RAYMOND LAM), or extremely touching proposals that will never be replicated in the future. They nod in bliss, shed tears of happiness, in the glee of finally getting engaged to The One. People blog enthusiastically at having found their lifetime partners. Do I look upon it with envy? Maybe. But, am I willing to go through sweet fairytale weddings with someone that I’m marrying for the sake of marriage? I’m not sure. Will I have to? I’m not sure either.

I was with Delta ’12 at JB City Square for a day trip yesterday, and our conversation topics have really changed. “20 years later if you’re not doing well, will you still turn up for gatherings?” Probably not. “Will you accept a girl who earns more than you do?” I didn’t answer that. “At what age do you wish to get married?” I used to say 28. Or before 30. For the kids. So that my kids don’t have birth complications (15-34 the best child-bearing years), so that my kids can better relate to each other with shorter spacing years. And then I suddenly wonder, why am I marrying someone for the sake of my children? So actually, are we marrying for ourselves or for our children, for the sake of reproducing?

Wow, this is why it’s good to be single. Such a tiring thought. I wonder if animals think about love too.

Cool things I’ve been up to lately

1. Pangkor, Malaysia

I think I won’t write much for this because to be honest, what highlighted the whole trip was the company. Oh and the cost of course, in other words the trip was… really cheap. Even though we ate and played like royalty.

It wasn’t very eventful. We didn’t do many activities at all. But frankly, I really enjoyed the whole trip. I enjoyed the fact that I forced myself away from civilisation. I enjoyed the fact that we were stuck on an island where people knew other villagers by names (or nicknames), one mention of “ๅŠจๅŠ›็ซ่ฝฆ” and everyone on the village knows who you are talking about. I enjoyed the fact that we didn’t end up at a hot and popular tourist resort, and instead we stayed at Huimin’s grandparents’ house. For my past trips, locals have been really mean to tourists like me, and maybe it’s because Malaysia is pretty close to heart… locals were really nice. We casually picked up the Malaysian accent when speaking Chinese. We laughed at new rumours and how unlucky one can get… on a date. 9 of us squeezed in one room even though there was so much space in the entire house, and fell sick together too… (sorry I started the fever bug on Day 1 HAHA)

I wouldn’t say the water activities were the most enjoyable, I wouldn’t say that the countdown to 2015 was the most memorable, I wouldn’t say that climbing to the stone on our very first day was the most remarkable thing we did. I think it was a collection of everything, complete with the people. I’m glad for the 6 years we have spent together, because I guess we’re so close that we (the girls) air our beautiful coloured bras in full view of the guys. And that we openly tell people to adjust their pants…

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At the Pangkor equivalent of Fort Canning Park HAHA

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Before our water activities with Three Brothers HAHAHA who’re probably… filthy rich.

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Brilliant sunset… not. There was a big fat cloud below where it appears to be sunny and yellow, and so we couldn’t see it setting in full ๐Ÿ˜ฆ so unfortunate! We really ๅคŸ suay.

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What we ate for 2 nights in a row: seafood. Seafood that costs about $6 per head even when crab, prawns, squid… is ordered. We truly ate like kings man, love the depreciating ringgit HAHA.

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And at the beach where we counted down to 2015… but unfortunately with little fireworks because most of Malaysia was flooding and the countdown events were cancelled. LOL. SUAY AGAIN.

It was a great 5 days, apart from the fact that I had a fever on the first day, a terrible sore throat with an even more horrible EAR ACHE (OMG IT WAS SO BAD and painful I died with every swallow) on the second day, started coughing on the third day, a bit of runny nose on the fourth day, AND STARTED RECOVERING ON THE LAST DAY. My body totally chose the right time to break down! I was still bragging to myself (in my own thoughts) that I haven’t fallen sick for a long time HAHA. But at least it didn’t break down during A Levels, and I think I should be really thankful for that lah.

2. Flea at Lucky Plaza

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The booth costed $150 which meant it was really difficult to earn money given that clothing was selling for like $4 per piece, or $1 per piece at our lowest. Thankfully we managed to make around $200+ by trying to get rid of ALL our clothes, and I guess it was really quite heartwrenching that some of our clothes which were rather expensive were going for those prices!!! My mother’s altered clothing too… super ouch. I guess, at least these nice clothes have found a new owner (mainly maids) and not burnt to ashes or something right?!

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and I managed a shot with my husband HAHAHA. Raymond Lam is my type in every aspect ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Karena Ng is so lucky… how many times am I going to say this?! Omg. She probably grew up in her childhood/teenhood watching his TVB dramas without knowing that she was going to date him in the future… SO LUCKY DAMN IT. I’m just 3 years younger! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

3. Dinner with Kaixin, Huimin, Xuanjim, Vanessa

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Gone were the days when we gossiped… WE TALK REAL STORIES NOW. Because we are 19, no longer 13 when we spent whole afternoons at Long John Silver just talking about rumours and men and women. Hope we will meet up more frequently in the future!!! These group of people getting prettier and prettier man…

afterall, we used to look like this.


HEHEHEHE. Omg, those SKM days at Takashimaya were so memorable, and guess what I’m wearing that light pink shirt AT THIS VERY MOMENT HAHAHA.

4. Dinner with Weixuan, Jia Wen and Edina

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I wore quite formal clothing because of an interview earlier that day, and I’m glad I (sort of?) passed the interview!!! Honestly I felt quite okay after the interview despite some answers that were rather ridiculous, as opposed to my really terrible Cambridge interview. Oh, and I got rejected oops ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Guess it was worth the experience though!

Walked around supermarket aimlessly and sort of caught up, still sabotaged each other by shouting each others’ names in most ridiculous settings… like what we used to do in tutorials and lectures. Attention-seeking perhaps, can’t deny it myself. These people are probably the reason why I miss school, and more specifically, lessons ๐Ÿ™‚

5. TVB Concert

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We got the cheapest tickets, at $38 HAHAHA. Mother paid for my entire family, and for the whole journey we were complaining that there was a big and heavy rain because my mother was so stingy “WAHLAO ไนฐๆœ€ไพฟๅฎœ็š„็ฅจ?!” Of course we were kidding, Raymond Lam wasn’t even coming, why would I pay more than the cheapest ticket HAHA. Anyway, the seats were reallocated because the seating gallery was too empty, and we moved to a better seat LOL which was probably $68 or $88 or something. We were originally supposed to sit by the sides whereby we would see NOTHING HAHAHA. So we moved and got a good view for the cheapest price HAHAHA.

Sister refused to join photos because of her lack of makeup… and her wearing of trash HAHAHA.

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Moved to the front towards the end of the show to get a better glimpse of the stars, and man Linda was really hot. Kenneth Ma was really handsome too, and Roger Kwok didn’t even look 41 much less 51. My Dad got a shock when he found out that Roger Kwok was near his age- LOL.

Okay just a casual update, with photos so that I’ll remember who and where and when I went out and caught up with people. I remain thankful for everyone in my life, and today I’m glad that RV’s nunnery programme of 6 years allows such close-knitted friendships to be formed ๐Ÿ™‚

Second step to the adult life

I don’t usually post food pictures because my photography cannot make it, but I think this deserves a post! Worked for my parents and got some pay, so I decided to blow it all on a nice meal! Treated my mother to Ichiban today, and am feeling very good. She probably feels very good too. Here’s to many more treats for my family who gave me a wonderful childhood/teenhood ๐Ÿ™‚

2014

I’m working for my parents now, because I’m such a filial daughter. Hahaha just kidding, this would probably be something I HAVE to do if I were born earlier (eg. in my brother’s generation).

I’m trying to sum up 2014… to be honest I haven’t done anything significant this entire year apart from NDP because it’s the BIG year of the BIG As. I went out a lot less, my free time outside of NDP were spent on books, but I traveled for my life after As man. Hong Kong, Bangkok, Malaysia (Pangkor), if only the list were to continue ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and I finally get what Mr Tan means when he says this is supposedly the “best period of our lives”. It is truly carefree and worry-free, and especially since I’m not working for the whole of January. I’m truly enjoying every moment, I don’t even want to get started on any serious work anymore.

Okay, it would be nice to start from my New Year Resolutions if not for the fact that I forgot to back up my notes when I sent my phone for repair and it’s gone! Well done! I made 50, and unfortunately I only remember a few.

One significant one would be to confess: no I didn’t. Thank god I didn’t. But I can’t deny it was a genuine crush. Another one was to avoid getting into a relationship and of course I succeeded in that! I seriously wonder how attractive I was in the past year. Maybe men would find my hard work attractive, or maybe they might actually have wanted to pick me up at Starbucks since my outfit to Starbucks is always very style man, T-shirt, shorts and my very classy school bag. Oh, and pinned up hair with my metallic glasses. How do people even dress up when they leave the house to study? I don’t even want to shower.

I worked really really hard in the past year. Even until 2015, I feel this way. I know that I wouldn’t be able to put in the same amount of effort as I did anymore, I camped at Starbucks every weekend, almost everyday in October and November, and I was really stressed. Ironically, I didn’t feel the pressure that much then, but it’s evident from the hair that was clogging up the drainage in my bathroom every night and my PERIOD. Even with hair fall shampoo, my comb was like a shaver. I missed my period for 5 full months, and it came 1-2 weeks after my last paper. I want to remind myself that I wouldn’t be able to do more if I were put in a similar position again, and to take pride in whatever results I receive. I can’t change things anymore, but I’ll hope for the best. I always do.

Enough of mugging shit! I’ve been talking so much about it I’m gonna become 100% nerd, even though I’m already at 99%.

I think I’ve grown quite a bit in 2014. I’m 18! It’s supposed to be the prime time of my life, right? (wait I haven’t blogged about my birthday) It’s an unknowing thing: when you begin to judge people for the very things you’ve done in the past. When I realise that my perspective on many things change: when clubbing becomes something normal instead of something immoral/something I shun. When I begin to think that it’s okay for guys/girls to go out with other female/male friends respectively even though they are in a relationship. When I begin to pay more attention to Kate Spade, Coach than Zinc (sorry I just had to). When I begin to realise that shit is real, and I can gamble, drink alcohol, or simply purchase cigarettes. There are also many things I found out about myself that I haven’t known before: that I’d rather be at home at 10pm watching Line Walker than be walking around aimlessly outside. Maybe I began to love my home slightly more, or maybe it’s because my parents are out at work once again, and we don’t get a lot of time together anymore.

I also became a lot more positive, or optimistic perhaps. I think confidence comes from within, truly. I guess I just began to care less about the numbers on the scale, because it’s been 2 years since I paid attention and nothing has changed. I’ll have to thank the 4G girls for that, especially during the Thailand trip when I truly ate to my fill. They didn’t care, and so I didn’t care too. That has impacted me quite a bit, especially what they said about there being no point being weight-conscious. I hope that has positively impacted the people around me too, for example my sister who doesn’t even step on the weighing scale anymore ๐Ÿ™‚ I think it’s all part and parcel of teenhood, as someone who isn’t naturally skinny there are bound to be times that you’d worry about calories, about carbohydrate intake, about fat intake, about healthy and non-healthy fat, about protein-loading so that you’ll be more full for the next meal. I figured out I’ll never be as skinny as them, but I’m definitely not the fattest too. I’m far from that! “Fat pig”, “elephant thighs”, “your legs are really damn big” doesn’t really affect me anymore, aside from the fact that I know these are the people I can afford to toss away. Why keep such people around you to brew negative sentiments about yourself? To all the friends who are bitter right now: it’ll be fine, because when you’re down, things can only go up ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve also become much humbler, but haolian at the same time. I’ve started to pick up my Dad’s bad habit of showing off nonsense that I don’t have, eg. “Wah lao, this one $100 only, so cheap you also want to niao”, “Lame lah, set meal $20 only, drop on the floor also don’t want to pick up.” I’m kidding lah don’t take me seriously, I love money. I’d lift up the drain if I dropped $1 inside! But of course I know I’ll never be the most excellent, especially in the area of grades. I’ve accepted that I can never be the best, but most importantly, I think God is fair. I am not a firm believer in any religion, but I feel that everyone is born equal. Everyone has their weaknesses and strengths, and that if you’re unlucky or unfortunate in some way, you will be compensated in other ways. I’m not exactly pretty or outstanding in any athletic or aesthetic field, but I believe my grades are fine. It’s not that good, but it’s good enough. I have a wonderful family, and friends that I’d like to keep for a lifetime too. I’m more blessed than people would ever think I am, and I am extremely grateful for that. I’ve seen people who feel inferior in every way, but they’re blessed in many ways that they don’t see themselves: perhaps the true friends that they have around them, or simply their natural talent in socialising. No one is perfect, and maybe the most perfect people we think of with the perfect lives, actually have the darkest nights. I think it’s okay to be envious but not jealous! I believe that most of us don’t actually know that many others are envious of our own lives too.

In 2014, especially during NDP, I’ve learnt a lot about people I’d rather work with, or I’d rather not work with, that many teams and project groups boil down to our personal preferences (or perhaps, people who are the most similar to you, racially and culturally). That it’s really going to be a challenge in the future, no matter which environment I work in. I fear politics, I fear friends that we keep only because we’re colleagues, only because we have to work together for the money. I fear of truly stepping out into the real world now that I’m out of RV, now that I have to deal with retarded people “why you all sell battery $2, down the road sell $1.80”. Man, there’s so much I have to learn, and I’m afraid man. Like what Edina said, I think I need a working environment that’s very forgiving for me and my stupid mistakes. I am a year older, but I am still extremely embarrassing. I don’t know why! Why do I always end up in extremely embarrassing situations?

Some time soon I’ll blog about all the overdue events with some photos of myself, but maybe it might not be very soon. I have my first formal interview on January 8, I’ve never been to such a solemn interview, where I’ll have to be decked in black and white, where a skirt is almost mandatory. I am excited, but nervous! I hope I’ll do okay ๐Ÿ™‚ Wish me the best of luck please!