“One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65,
you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find––
is they are not always with whom we spend our lives”
― Beau Taplin, Hunting Season
When I was 13 and watching people get into their first relationships, a frequent question posed was “What age do you think it’s fine to get into a relationship?” And my answer was always 16 or 18. These two ages seemed like the true legal ages, along with the laws in Singapore. It seems more appropriate to do everything only when it’s legal, and that’s presuming we have the maturity that’s… required for dating.
I’m freshly 18 now, or maybe I’ll prefer to call myself 19 since no one really cares about birth months. I’ve surpassed that age! However, I’ve been single for the past 4 years of my life (unfortunately I can’t say 19) and I’m very proud of this relationship status. Why shouldn’t I? I’ve been independent by myself, and it clearly displays that I am not reliant on anyone. I’m very sure that anyone can get into a relationship if they WANT to- there are many fishes out there. Come on, my PW topic was on online dating. Apps, sites, even if you can’t find any on the streets. Be it a guy or girl, you CAN get into a relationship as long as you want to. It’s just a matter of whether the person is right for you.
Why am I concerned about relationships anyway? I know I’m still young and searching, with millions of breeds of fish that I have yet to come across. It’s just an occasional concern I have, ever since I started catching up on so many romance dramas. I’m not scarred from my previous relationship, I’m not apprehensive about getting to know someone new, and I think I’m not even closely guarded. But I can’t deny that I’m worried I’ll never find the one. I read The New Paper some years ago, that half of all married couples are not with their soulmates. That’s what I’m afraid of. I’ve been watching too many dramas which have romanticised the idea of love too much, that perhaps one day I will truly fall head over heels over someone. One day, I might be willing to sacrifice my stable career, independent and carefree life, just to tie myself down to someone who can bring me joy like no other. But what if I’m left with no choice? What if I’m 28 and reaching the end of my attractive ages, or what if I’m 32 and urgently looking for a partner just to bear children before fertility declines? By then, would I really marry because of love, or marry in the possibility that I may find love in later years?
How am I going to find The One? I’m far from a normal girl, I’m signing on with the SAF, I have an entire iTunes playlist of Chinese songs, and I love ancient dramas so much. I’m not the most attractive girl out there. I can’t cook for nuts, I can’t put make up, wait, I don’t even know how to tie plaits. I make extremely offensive and snide remarks at people, I’m noisy, and of course extremely shameless. I’ve lived and eaten well for the past 19 years of my life, and I have no intention of leading a more frugal life in the future. I’m not sure if I’ll ever find someone who shares the same values as me when it comes to spending (because money is sensitive, man), or when it comes to living my life for fulfillment and happiness. Many people meet their marriage partners in their schooling years, and as my schooling years slowly tend to an end (AND ESPECIALLY SINCE I WANT TO STUDY ABROAD), it’s not unusual that I start worrying. My sister is 23, and she’s worried too. Afterall, Hannah Quinlivan is 21 and newly married.
It’s not helping that we get exposed to all the fairytale weddings (Jay Chou), or even fairytale BIRTHDAY SURPRISES (RAYMOND LAM), or extremely touching proposals that will never be replicated in the future. They nod in bliss, shed tears of happiness, in the glee of finally getting engaged to The One. People blog enthusiastically at having found their lifetime partners. Do I look upon it with envy? Maybe. But, am I willing to go through sweet fairytale weddings with someone that I’m marrying for the sake of marriage? I’m not sure. Will I have to? I’m not sure either.
I was with Delta ’12 at JB City Square for a day trip yesterday, and our conversation topics have really changed. “20 years later if you’re not doing well, will you still turn up for gatherings?” Probably not. “Will you accept a girl who earns more than you do?” I didn’t answer that. “At what age do you wish to get married?” I used to say 28. Or before 30. For the kids. So that my kids don’t have birth complications (15-34 the best child-bearing years), so that my kids can better relate to each other with shorter spacing years. And then I suddenly wonder, why am I marrying someone for the sake of my children? So actually, are we marrying for ourselves or for our children, for the sake of reproducing?
Wow, this is why it’s good to be single. Such a tiring thought. I wonder if animals think about love too.