I went home smiling again today.
It’s a different feeling though- not the “omg damn it FINALLY BOOK OUT”. But this weekend is really long, an early (!) book out on Thursday and late book in on Tuesday night. This is even longer than the long weekend we had during Chinese New Year! Honestly Tekong really isn’t bad at all, I can actually foresee myself missing BMT in the future. It’s amazing how I face no stress here apart from the daily “omg evening running again”, and as a result my facial complexion has become much better and I’m actually dropping less hair every day. I sleep so comfortably every night that I actually drool now….
I managed to clear SOC (including the low rope holy) and I managed to run AGR without lagging behind everyone else. That’s honestly quite amazing for a potato like me. For the confinement week I felt so weak and incompetent, I was running with a freaking back ache, blocked nose, flu, coughing every 20 steps. Now I’m glad I pushed through all that bullshit illness because running with a clear nose (without Beautex in my pocket) is something to be really thankful for. Man I really feel good. I mean, being in Group D (slowest running group) is probably the biggest joke to people in A or B, but I think I’ve met my personal expectations for now and I’m really really happy that I actually know my physical standards are improving. I was such a potato in my two years of JC! Unfortunately my knees are starting to act up, like holy shit I’ve never encountered knee injuries before and wah sai this is not funny at all man MY BACK AND MY KNEE ARE COMING TOGETHER. But I’ll pull through!!! New found motivation hehe 🙂
Balls are shrinking day by day because A Level results are going to be out in three days. I’m grateful to everyone who has spoken to me or encouraged me in one way or another, telling me that it’ll be alright or that there will always be another path for me if I don’t make it in the end. I’m going to be a very frank and annoying bitch here: I will be upset if I actually got straight Bs. The provisional scholarship offer will definitely get revoked; I would fail to meet ALL entry requirements of the UK schools I’ve applied to. Shit this because I don’t really have a “lower-tier” school that I applied to, and every school that I applied to requires AAA in at least 3 of my H2s. I feel that I have a lot to lose because I’m not sure if I’ll still continue in the force if I fail to meet the conditions of the scholarship- before I enlisted I thought to myself that I’ll definitely stay on because the scholarship shouldn’t have been what drove me to join the SAF in the first place. But it’ll definitely get more difficult for me- because no matter how outstanding your military performance is, academic performance still gets you the better pay schemes and better opportunities. Now it’s the A Levels, and in the future it’ll be my degree. If I suck at test scores and exam results, I can’t eliminate the possibility that I may be performing better elsewhere, somewhere that doesn’t emphasize on academic performance that much. And most probably, a place out of the civil service. Of course purpose and meaning should be the main driver of my choice of career, but honestly if I fail to excel in this career and fall through the cracks, this sense of purpose probably wouldn’t keep me going for the decades ahead.
There are three possibilities:
1. Do well enough to qualify for scholarship academically and UK schools (this set of results will be really sexy)
2. Do well enough to qualify for scholarship but NOT any UK school (holy crap I haven’t thought about this yet, but I’ll probably complete OCS and re-apply for UCAS)
3. Do so well that I do not qualify for BOTH scholarship and any UK school
Good god I’m going to stop writing about As because this is making my tummy churn, my mother is all excited about me collecting my results because she hasn’t had such excitement in a while (the last was….. er sister collecting O Levels after my PSLE?). Not to forget that it’s such a terrible wait, making the results’ collection at 2pm is even suckier so I cleverly arranged myself to collect my passport that very morning. I guess keeping myself occupied will make everything easier.
Ok I’m gonna stop here my tummy is churning so bad.