Monthly Archives: February 2015

Second book out (I need new titles)

I went home smiling again today.

It’s a different feeling though- not the “omg damn it FINALLY BOOK OUT”. But this weekend is really long, an early (!) book out on Thursday and late book in on Tuesday night. This is even longer than the long weekend we had during Chinese New Year! Honestly Tekong really isn’t bad at all, I can actually foresee myself missing BMT in the future. It’s amazing how I face no stress here apart from the daily “omg evening running again”, and as a result my facial complexion has become much better and I’m actually dropping less hair every day. I sleep so comfortably every night that I actually drool now….

I managed to clear SOC (including the low rope holy) and I managed to run AGR without lagging behind everyone else. That’s honestly quite amazing for a potato like me. For the confinement week I felt so weak and incompetent, I was running with a freaking back ache, blocked nose, flu, coughing every 20 steps. Now I’m glad I pushed through all that bullshit illness because running with a clear nose (without Beautex in my pocket) is something to be really thankful for. Man I really feel good. I mean, being in Group D (slowest running group) is probably the biggest joke to people in A or B, but I think I’ve met my personal expectations for now and I’m really really happy that I actually know my physical standards are improving. I was such a potato in my two years of JC! Unfortunately my knees are starting to act up, like holy shit I’ve never encountered knee injuries before and wah sai this is not funny at all man MY BACK AND MY KNEE ARE COMING TOGETHER. But I’ll pull through!!! New found motivation hehe 🙂

Balls are shrinking day by day because A Level results are going to be out in three days. I’m grateful to everyone who has spoken to me or encouraged me in one way or another, telling me that it’ll be alright or that there will always be another path for me if I don’t make it in the end. I’m going to be a very frank and annoying bitch here: I will be upset if I actually got straight Bs. The provisional scholarship offer will definitely get revoked; I would fail to meet ALL entry requirements of the UK schools I’ve applied to. Shit this because I don’t really have a “lower-tier” school that I applied to, and every school that I applied to requires AAA in at least 3 of my H2s. I feel that I have a lot to lose because I’m not sure if I’ll still continue in the force if I fail to meet the conditions of the scholarship- before I enlisted I thought to myself that I’ll definitely stay on because the scholarship shouldn’t have been what drove me to join the SAF in the first place. But it’ll definitely get more difficult for me- because no matter how outstanding your military performance is, academic performance still gets you the better pay schemes and better opportunities. Now it’s the A Levels, and in the future it’ll be my degree. If I suck at test scores and exam results, I can’t eliminate the possibility that I may be performing better elsewhere, somewhere that doesn’t emphasize on academic performance that much. And most probably, a place out of the civil service. Of course purpose and meaning should be the main driver of my choice of career, but honestly if I fail to excel in this career and fall through the cracks, this sense of purpose probably wouldn’t keep me going for the decades ahead.

There are three possibilities:

1. Do well enough to qualify for scholarship academically and UK schools (this set of results will be really sexy)
2. Do well enough to qualify for scholarship but NOT any UK school (holy crap I haven’t thought about this yet, but I’ll probably complete OCS and re-apply for UCAS)
3. Do so well that I do not qualify for BOTH scholarship and any UK school

Good god I’m going to stop writing about As because this is making my tummy churn, my mother is all excited about me collecting my results because she hasn’t had such excitement in a while (the last was….. er sister collecting O Levels after my PSLE?). Not to forget that it’s such a terrible wait, making the results’ collection at 2pm is even suckier so I cleverly arranged myself to collect my passport that very morning. I guess keeping myself occupied will make everything easier.

Ok I’m gonna stop here my tummy is churning so bad.


End of Confinement Week

It’s 10.15pm right now and I’m feeling extremely drowsy from the medicine…. and the fact that lights out is usually in 15 minutes time. Gosh, my eyelids are so extremely heavy now.

I’ve done it- 2 weekends of confinement. I can’t believe I did it. I think I can’t even get started on how tough these two weeks were for me. My period cycle screwed up and I had an 11-day cycle which was a bigshit burden, I had diarrhoea on the second day morning, I contracted hives on the second day afternoon right after SOC and I was itching the ENTIRE DAY. I nearly finished my entire can of snake powder within a day, spreading it all over my body just to curb the itch which barely worked until the night when I truly showered properly. I came down with a cold on the 6th or 7th day and it has lasted all the way till now. I woke up every single (tempted to insert a vulgarity here) day with muscle aches, back aches, and a blocked nose. I have so much problems getting down from the upper bed because I ache so much I can’t grab the railings properly. I cough like an old lady whenever I run, subsequently blocking my airway and forcing my body to breathe desperately through my mouth. My back injury acts up and sends a sharp pain through my entire body whenever I bend down to pick up my field pack (and hence I can’t, and I need assistance ALL THE TIME), when I land from platform jumps because the impact kills the tendon so bad, or simply when they make us “Sit!” “Squat!” “Stand!” “Butts down!” “Feets up!” Worst form of punishment? Perhaps. Because I’m the burden over here: I am possibly the one causing everyone to have this “Slow, recover” nonsense because I can’t stand and squat in time because of my freaking back. I hate the fact that I pulled this tendon during fkn SHUTTLE RUN last year because it has affected me all the way until now, and it has impaired my ability to do so many things. I can run through my flu and my cough because all you need is endurance and mental willpower, I can run through my dizziness because I know it’ll eventually end, I can pull through my muscle aches and torn muscles because I know these will just make me physically stronger, but I can’t pull through a freaking injury because it makes me feel like my whole back is ripping apart whenever I stretch that area excessively. I feel so regretful that I had to fall out during Basic Close Combat Training today, which is pretty much extremely retarded because that’s one of the least physical strenuous activities we have in BMT. I stood out for that activity because I knew the criss-cross punches were going to kill my side back like it did the first time, but right now there are another 6 sessions ahead and I don’t think I should continue falling out anymore. And hence, I am truly upset that I can’t proudly proclaim I did confinement week without sitting out.

I’m not as physically fit as the people who join, especially the athletes. Dragonboaters. Canoers. Swimmers. Soccer players. Fencing. Taekwondo. I’m terribly slow compared to the rest of the female recruits, be it during running, the route march or pull ups. I have one of the poorest IPPT scores, and I’m honestly pretty ashamed of it. Right now I can get silver, yes, but who can’t get silver? Of course, the standard to pass BMT for a female is a mere pass- but a pass is nothing to be proud about. Gold, Commando Gold, those standards for IPPT were set because they were achievable. They were benchmarks for us to gauge our own physical ability. I feel upset that I am not meeting my personal standards when it comes to strength and speed training, because I used to be a faster and stronger runner. I know I will improve with time, but right now the illness is getting to me because I’ve been using my flu as an excuse to push myself less during runs. I really really hope that it’s just the flu that’s getting to my body, and not my terrible stamina. Because of this, I’m not that sure whether I’m really conditioning my body for harsh conditions or not.

Aside from the fact that my physical standards are a total disappointment at least to myself, I’m really really glad I signed up for BMT. It was all about a leap of faith, and I’m glad I took that great leap. It’s only 2 weeks into BMT, and while we aren’t exposed to the worst parts of the SAF life yet, it has taught me a lot about cherishing the little time we have with our families, as well as how much we have to depend on our sectionmates and bunkmates in everything. They aided me in so many little ways I can’t thank them enough: in stealing toilet paper for me just for me to get rid of my mucus, in helping me refill bottles whenever I do not have the time, waking me up in the morning because I am always the last, in helping me fold my blankets because I am a domestic disaster/had to go down early, in helping me lay my bedsheets because my 156cm height disallows me from reaching the inner corners of my mattress, pushing me so hard during the route march because I am a total turtle, helping me pick up and strap my fieldpack because my back is a freaking burden. Yesterday I slept smiling because I prayed so hard for a good section and wonderful sectionmates, and I knew those prayers were answered. I’m not even dreading book in day at all, because I know that I am becoming both mentally and physically stronger, in the company of girls that are mature and yet of similar frequency. “Battery cap check” becomes “virginity check”, and we start addressing people by ridiculous pet names such as “cup of tea” since she doesn’t like tea. We are way too ambitious, aiming to shower in ridiculous timings like 3 minutes because instructions were received to “FALL IN” right after I entered the shower and completely got out of my clothes. But those memories are the most golden, I would think.

Thanks girls 🙂 We are the smallest and yet most diverse section as agreed by our PC: I have sectionmates who are more than double my age, we have tri-services, we have aunties, lovesick ones, homesick ones and freaking noisy ones….. and no, it’s not me.

Guys we meet have been questioning endlessly “Why you sign on ah?” Our commanders, our company mates, are all wondering why we make this supposedly silly decision. But honestly right now I don’t think I’ve made an incorrect decision. I’m not sure how hard it will be from here, given that there’s field camp, nonsense, and a lot more nonsense involving my back, but I’ll rest well, recover, and I hope that I will not be such a burden during physical activities anymore. I’m thankful today, and I was grinning from ear to ear during book out. I feel that I’ve truly given my best in all the physical activities we have done lately, in spite of all the challenges that were thrown at me due to poor adaptability to military life. I feel that I deserved this well-earned book out.

Omg, I’m so sleepy. It’s time for lights out… on a usual day. 😦 Can I not care about the 守岁 this year?!

12 hours

I’m feeling slightly moody right now.

I mean, in 12 hours (not 12 days anymore) I’ll be at the Pasir Ris Bus Interchange…. waiting to book in along with fellow enlistees. I thought “shit got real” when I received my 11B, but I think shit is truly getting real now.

In my last few weeks I’ve been trying to catch up with everyone who has been significant in my life. This sounds freaking corny but it’s different when I know myself that it’s the “last few days”. I’m not going to war of course, but I feel that meeting up with people is going to get really difficult from here. For someone who has been so used to freedom (spent the last 2 months waking up at 11am and watching dramas before taking another nap), I’ll only be able to meet people on my book out days. And even then, I know afternoon naps will definitely be more tempting than sleepily catching up with people.

To those who have bothered meeting me despite your busy work or school schedules: thank you so much. I think it’s difficult (and irritating of course) to make time for someone who has obviously no idea how irritating work can be, and how tired you can be especially when you have to be up early the next morning.

To those who have asked me countless times when I am enlisting and my rationale for doing so, or simply dropping me a greeting to wish me the best of luck, thank you too. I think this stretches beyond curiosity, because it’s definitely easier to ignore and watch. It means that I’ve been in your thoughts, and I think that’s good enough. I know it’s not a popular choice, and definitely tough to justify, but I think I’m willing to try, because I don’t want to regret.

Thank you to those who bothered, or will probably bother. I have everyone’s support, and I think that will allow me to get through the darkest hours.

1. Eating with queen ibag

Freaking free flow eggs and I only ate two. 😦 Terrible picture quality. Freaking queen ibag gave me a bag of Sophie. Not sure whether a blessing or curse, but the Sophie is currently useful ;(

2. Sentosa with MSAP mates

Guess our favourite line that day was “See you at POP”, and OH I THINK I FINALLY LEARNT HOW TO PLAY BRIDGE? LOL.

3. Malaysia with the family

Not sure when is the next time I can stay out so late on a Sunday night ever again, because my thoughts on a Sunday will probably be filled with “omg need to book in tomorrow”. This is the only non-blur picture by the way, I’m not being mean to my mother and sister LOL.

4. Eating with people with whom I had my meals when I was in 5S.

Welcome back from Taiwan Han En, and I hope we will have opportunities to meet again after this 🙂

5. Meeting with Delta ’12

It was frankly quite an informative session, and I’m glad we can easily let out our innermost feelings haha. After all that has happened, I think I still love talking to girls the most.

and, I meet up so much with the Malaysian silly gang that we don’t even take photos anymore LOL. Thank you, because I know you guys (and the noisy WhatsApp chat) will be my entertainment throughout BMT.

6. 4G bitches

Even though it’s just 4 of us, I will never be the weirdest or noisiest in this group of people 🙂 Thank you for the support, and for probably sending me off tomorrow too. It’s a blessing to have you guys around!

7. #TGIW for the first and last time

Yes, I went clubbing again! I guess I’m pretty wild. I didn’t really like such a small crowd though, and I was quite tired and bored throughout the whole night. Sucks that I didn’t drink more and enjoy myself better, it kind of strikes me that I will never attend another Ladies’ Night again. I loved the live shows that I got to watch though. 🙂

8. Being a domestic goddess today

I think I’m ready for BMT. Bring it on, Tekong!