Today I wasn’t in the best of moods. I had a horrible nightmare about someone stealing my wallet (pre-trip jitters?), I woke up to a heart wrenching message, I realised that I am not keeping up with schoolwork as well as I wanted myself to at the start of the term and I am honestly dreading the field trip to Mallorca from tomorrow. Honestly, I do not think it will be that bad, or anywhere as tiring as a single week in OCS MIDS, but I fear because the social energy that I will have to put in. To get to know people that I am not exactly familiar with. To be courteous and “be on my best behaviour” for the next week. And of course, to plough through the days dragging myself out of bed because the entire module is graded on this single field trip. I am starting to get tied up and my mind keeps darting back to the instances when they congratulated people for doing so well in their studies, obtaining academic awards and told us to “keep up the good work”. Not even close to any form of an academic award, let’s not talk about how I fell (so) short of my COC. Where does that leave me?
In days like these I feel so unmotivated to be myself and to do anything productive, which makes me feel even worse by the end of the day. I called you and you asked if I were okay and I just started tearing out of nowhere, I don’t know whatever for. I guess it was just a bad day but bad days like these make me miss home so much. I miss familiarity. I miss my brother who will make me end up laughing in my tears. I miss my noisy house which would block out all this unwanted noise in my head.
We couldn’t finish Monsters University today, but thank you to the snail in the film who made me laugh in his attempt to run to school on the first day. You will be by my side by the next time I have time to finish it with you. I miss you so terribly, thank you for making me feel better everyday.